Separate Jokes / Recent Jokes

I know a husband and wife who have separate bedrooms, drive different cars, take separate vacations, work different shifts, have their own computers, and even have their own ISPs, separate e-mail addresses and Home Pages. They say they're doing everything they can to keep their marriage together.

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until early Monday morning.Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.They looked at the first more...

Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck. "Where's George?" one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone."He's about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left him there 'cause I figured ain't nobody 'bout to steal him."

A picky customer comes to a small food shop and sees a new delivery of fresh fruit.
"Give me three dozens of oranges and wrap every orange up in a separate piece of paper, please," he says to the saleswoman.
She does.
"And three dozens of cherries, please, and wrap up every one in a separate piece of paper, too." She does.
"And what is that there," he asks pointing out a bushel in the corner.
"Grapes," says the saleswoman, "but they are not for sale!"

How do you separate the Greek boys from the Greek men at a Greek BBQ? With a Crowbar!!!!!

Dear Hot Ramen, I have a problem. Every morning at 6am the workers come into my neighbor's apartment, which is right next door to mine and start pounding on the walls. They just pound and pound until noon, take an hour rest and then pound some more. I work at home and I'm not getting any work done. My boss is threatening to fire me. I want to kill them, but my neighbor is hot and I've been wanting to get into his pants since I moved in. What should I do? Signed,
Neighborly Love (not related to Courtney)
Dear Neighborly, Aiyah! First thing- Get earplugs quick! Then talk to your neighbor about your little disturbance, but be sure to wear your earplugs so that your neighbor needs to shout to be heard. Keep asking him to speak louder and finally you can suggest you go into your apartment where it is not so noisy. When he comes in quickly take out the earplugs and feed him some
of Hot Ramen's speeecial Ooh-la-la Ramen Romance Soup. This soup is from an ancient soup recipe more...