Series Jokes

Hillbilly Medical Terms
Benign... What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium... What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Section... A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan... Searching for the cat.
Cauterize... Made eye contact with her.
Colic... A sheep dog.
Coma... A punctuation mark.
D&C... Where Washington is.
Dilate... To live longer than your kids do.
Enema... Not a friend.
Fester... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula... A small lie.
G.I.Series... World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent... Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain... Getting hurt at work.
Morbid... A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates... Cheaper than day rates.
Medical Staff... A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Node... I knew it.
Outpatient... A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear... A fatherhood test.
Pelvis... Second cousin to Elvis.
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A New Russian is buying "Mersedes" of the 600 series. Before giving him keys and documentation a salesman asks: "Excuse me, Sir, a week ago You bought here a car just like this one. Is anything wrong with it?"
A New Russian thinks a wile trying to remember, then replies: "Oh, no, that's a perfect machine but the ashtray's been filled."

Modem, She Wrote
Each week, our intrepid detective tries to solve the ultimate mystery: why her modem won't ever connect at 56k.
Micro-CHiPs
Ponch and Jon now patrol the Information Superhighway.
Carly's Angels
Chief exec Carly Fiorina instructs her team of three vixen market analysts on how to prop up HP's sagging stock price.
Hawaii 6.0
An upgraded version of the classic series. Steve McGarrett goes surfing for bad guys online.
T. J. Hacker
A retired cop, with an uncanny resemblance to James T. Kirk, takes up computer hacking to track down the miscreants who canceled his TV show.
The Excel Files
Inexplicable things are happening to the data in Microsoft Excel spreadsheets. Can this puzzle be solved? The truth is out there.
The AOL-Team
Each week, AOL, Time Warner, Netscape, and Mr. T unite to promote corporate mergers and make the world safe for capitalism.
Magnum, PC
This series about a crime-solving personal computer that more...

Some soul-searching showbiz questions
By Timothy M. Gray
HOLLYWOOD (Variety) - There are eternal questions that may never be answered: What is reality? What is the meaning of life? Why was I born? When was the last time Lauren Bacall went to a supermarket? What kind of people would allow their marriage ceremony to be performed on Live With Regis & Kathie Lee? We'll wait a moment while you ponder those questions.
I know, the fifth one was the hardest. Then are you ready for some more? OK, get out a clean sheet of paper and a No. 2 pencil, and answer the following.
Since A Streetcar Named Desire, The Moon Is Blue, Lady in a Cage and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? were once considered shocking and scandalous, does that mean American Movie Classics may one day be airing Showgirls and Natural Born Killers?
If the writers and director of the Oscarcast can win an Emmy for their work, what can the writers and director of the Emmys win?
Sometimes, when you're really more...

MEMO TO: All Hospital Staff
FROM: Administration/Groundskeeper
SUBJECT: New Cost Cutting Measures
Effective January 1 this hospital will no longer provide security. Each charge nurse will be issued a .38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in the pharmacy. In addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the park areas.
In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security surveillance duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching cardio and security monitors as well as continuing previous secretarial duties.
Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to let their families know to bring something, or may make arrangements with Subway, Domino's, etc., before meal time. Coin-operated telephones will be available in the patient rooms for more...