Serve Jokes / Recent Jokes

We serve only the finest California wines. Did you bring any?

Dear Diary,
Monday;
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bill. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.
Tuesday;
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So, I didn't dress. But, Bill happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad!
Wednesday:

I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So, I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Thursday:

Today Bill asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of more...

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.
Please read the following carefully.

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however,
there are a few differences between us...

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that more...

When called to serve for jury duty, Mrs. Howard asked to be excused since she did not believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. However, the public defender appreciated her thoughtfulness and attempted to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained. "This is not a murder trial. It is a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $15,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"All right then, I'll serve," Mrs. Howard replied. "I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

Blonde on a Cruise! A Blonde walks into a Restaurant, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. She looks at the bulletin board and sees a piece of paper that says "Ocean Cruise Only 5$". She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper. The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary. The secretary looks over to a burly black guy reading a news paper. She nods to the black guy. He stands up and knocks the blonde unconscious. When the blonde wakes up, she's tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea, when all of a sudden she sees one of her friends, (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her. The blonde she looks at her friend and says "So do you think they're going to serve us some more...

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12, 000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

Three Republicans walk into a bar.The bartender says, "We don't serve Republicans here."The Republicans say, "That's OK...We don't serve you either.