Serve Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal feelings prevent justice from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she should serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $21,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter. "I'll serve. I suppose I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

"Convicted felon Martha Stewart met with her probation officer yesterday. She even had to give a urine sample, in which she tested positive for nutmeg." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Martha Stewart published her recipe for disaster -- mix one part arrogance with two parts incompetence, simmer in the juices and then serve hot in the can." -Jay Leno
"Tough times for Martha Stewart. Yesterday, Martha Stewart reported to her parole officer and had to take a mandatory urine test for cocaine and marijuana. Martha was found to be drug-free and her urine was found to be a lovely yellow saffron." -Conan O'Brien
"Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress." -Craig Kilborn
"Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year." -Jay Leno
"Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart trial reached a verdict. more...

A' C', an E-flat, and a' G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and more...

Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk.
What do you call a bright, sunny day that comes after two cold, cloudy days? Monday.
A snake slithers into a bar. The barman says, "I can't serve you, you obviously can't hold your drink."
Which side of a chicken has the most feathers? The outside.
Two parrots on a perch. One says, "Do you smell fish?"
An eel slithers into a bar. The barman says, "I can't serve you, you're legless."

Chad was admitted to the hospital for a complete check-up. At 11:30AM, they brought him some soup for lunch, which he flatly refused. At 2:00PM, they again attempted to serve him some soup, which he refused.
Again, at 4:30PM and 7:00PM, they tried to serve him some soup and he turned it down both times, so they gave up.
In preparation for the following day's tests, they entered his room at 3:00AM, 4:30AM, and 6:00AM and administered an enema each time.
When Chad returned home from the hospital after all the tests had been done, he said to his wife, "Honey, whatever you do, if you ever have to go to that hospital and they try to serve you soup, take it! If you refuse it, they sneak in while you're sleeping and shove it up your ass!"

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave!"

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave!"