Serve Jokes / Recent Jokes
This anecdote is about two Indians settled in England. One had been living there for some years and had picked up some of their quaint euphemisms. The other, a recent settler, was as yet unaware of them. They were invited for dinner by their English friends. After they had had their drinks, their hostess asked them,' Would you like a wash before I serve dinner?'
The knowledgeable one replied,' No thanks.' The new settler replied, i washed my hands before I came.'
On their way back after dinner, the older settler admonished his friend,' My dear chap, in England "would you like a wash" does not mean "would you like to wash your hands". It is a polite way of asking, "would you like to urinate?"' The new settler made a mental note of it.
Some days later he was invited by another English friend and after he had had his drinks he was asked by his hostess:' Would you like a wash before I serve dinner?'
He replied promptly,' No, thank you, more...
A blonde walks into a pawn shop and says "can i buy that t.v". The cashier says I dont serve blondes. So the blonde goes home and dyes her hair red. She comes back the next day and asked the same question. The cashier again says we dont serve blondes. So she goes home and dyes her hair brown. The same thing happened the next day. She is so ticked off that she says "how the heck do you know i am a blonde?" and the cashier replies "because thats not a t.v its a microwave!"
I could have sworn I heard the can opener. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths? Why doesn't the government do something about dogs? I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives? Hmmm... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us? This looks like a good spot for a nap. Hey - no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place? If there's a God, how can He allow neutering? If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!
Three Republicans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve Republicans here." The Republicans say, "That's OK... We don't serve you either.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
This bear goes into a bar and asks for a beer.
The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in this bar".
The bear bangs on the bar.
The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in this bar, especially not bears who bang on bars".
The bear grabs a passing barmaid and bashes her.
The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in this bar, especially not bears who bang on bars and bash barmaids".
The bear bellows at the other barman to bring him a beer.
The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in this bar,
especially not bears who bang on bars, bash barmaids and bellow at barmen".
In exasperation, the bear bites the bar.
The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve bears who are on drugs".
The bear says "On drugs?"
The barman says "Yes - I saw the bar-bit-u-ate"