Serve Jokes / Recent Jokes
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?" Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell:' 'Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!'' The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks,' 'Got any nails?'' Confused, the bartenders says no.' 'Good!'' says the duck.' 'Got any grapes?''
I could have sworn I heard the can opener. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths? Why doesn't the government do something about dogs? I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives? Hmmm. .. If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us? This looks like a good spot for a nap. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place? If there's a God, how can He allow neutering? If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!
Most people want to serve God -- but only in an advisory capacity.
One day 2 irish men were walking down the street when one of them noticed a sign sayin
"Shirts 4.99"
"Suits 7.99"
the first irish man thouht this was clearly a bargain and told his friend told his friend to go in and by 40 of each but to be careful not to let the the shop no he was irish as the shop would not serve him.
the second irish man went in and asked for 40 shirts and 40 suits, but to his suprise the man behind the counter replied
"your irish we dont serve the irish"
the irish man tried at his best to convince the man he was not irish but kept getting the same respose
"your irish we dont serve the irish"
the irish man gave up trying and began to walk out of the shop but as he reached the door he asked the man if he could at least answer his question and the man saw no harm and listened to his question
"how did you know i was irish" said the irish man
the man behind the counter kindly more...
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Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.
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Customer: Waiter is this a lamb chops or pork chop?
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter?
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Customer: Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.
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Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.
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Customer: Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a more...
A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated....
Please read the following carefully.......
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to
serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current
population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies
and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana,
Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I
also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm
certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement
who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering
toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences
between us.
Differences such as:
There is no danger of a Grinch more...
Ten Things A Cat Thinks About
I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
Hmmm. .. If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
This looks like a good spot for a nap.
Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!