Serving Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Jimmy's mother was serving prunes for dessert, but little Jimmy didn't like prunes one little bit! He grumbled and complained and absolutely refused to eat them. Mother was very cross and told Jimmy that God would be very angry if he didn't eat his prunes. Still he wouldn't eat them, so in desperation, mother sent him to his room. Later in the evening a fierce thunderstorm blew up. There was much thunder and lightning. Feeling somewhat sorry for little Jimmy and thinking that he might be afraid of the storm, mother went up to his room. When she opened the door, Jimmy was kneeling looking out the window. Mother heard him say, "Gee whiz, God, all this just for two measly prunes?"

Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairmen.

Those who live closest arrive latest.

Those with the best advice offer no advice.

To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen.

To attract maximum attention, it`s hard to beat a good, big, dumb mistake.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

To err is human. To admit it is a blunder.

To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human.

To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.

To err is human. To forgive is simply not company policy.

A really sloppy drunk is draped over the bar. The bartender tells him, "OK, you've had enough. I'm not going to serve you anymore, so get out of here and go home."
The drunk leaves the bar. Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through the back door. The bartender tells him, "I told you to go home, I'm not serving you anything more, you've had enough, now go home."
The drunk leaves again.
Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through a side door. Again, the bartender tells him, "Man, I told you, you're wasted. I'm not serving you anymore, now go home, you've had enough."
Again, the drunk leaves.
Fifteen minutes later the drunk comes back through another side door. The bartender says, "What the hell is the matter with you? I keep telling you, you've had enough already, and I'm not going to serve you anymore, now go home!"
The drunk looks up at the bartender and asks, "How many places do you work at?"

SEATTLE'S TURKEY DAY ETIQUETTE

It's been 145 years since the first white settlers landed at Alki Beach at Thanksgiving time, took one look at the overcast skies and the sodden, rain-soaked West Seattle terrain, and burst into tears.

(History, alas, doesn't record the response of the Native Americans when they spotted those tear-drenched settlers. But they probably were too polite to laugh out loud.)

In the intervening years, the first residents and the settlers have worked out the rules for Thanksgiving, Puget Sound style. Here they are, recently updated by an ad hoc Turkey Day committee:

DRESS CODE. Thanksgiving Day guests will arrive wearing Seattle tuxes: clean jeans, turtleneck sweaters and down jackets with weathered ski-lift tags. Hiking boots are optional.

CONVERSATION'S GAMBIT. Topics will include: 1) the election; 2) previous elections; and, 3) the next election. Several arguments will ensue before the host or hostess more...

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is staring at the horse, when the horse says, “Hey buddy? What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse serving drinks before? ” The guy says, “No, it’s not that… it’s just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place. ”