Shifted Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day, he met a girl and fell in love.
When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Soon after, they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he telephoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans completely overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he arrived home. So, he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans.
He farted all the way home. By the time he arrived home, he felt more...

Once upon a time, there lived a women who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but, unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on. So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, she putt-putted. And, upon more...

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself' She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He' putted' down one hill and' putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived more...

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a madding passion for Chile. He loved them, but he always has an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to it. Then one day, he met a young woman and fell in love with her. When evidently they would marry, he thought to himself, she is so sweet and gentle. She will never go for this kind of carrying on. Therefore, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up the chile. They married thereafter. Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work and since they lived in the country, he called her and told her that he would be late getting home because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the odor of freshly cooked chile and corn bread was overwhelming.
Since he had several miles to walk, he figured that he would work off the effects before reaching home. Therefore, he stopped at the cafe. Before leaving the cafe, he had eaten three LARGE orders of chile with corn bread. All the way home he farted and more...

>THE EPIC OF THE BAKED BEAN
>
>Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked
>beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always
>caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them. The
>reaction of his body to the beans was swift and terrible to behold.
>
>One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they
>would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and humiliated
>by his addiction to baked beans. He decided to make the supreme sacrifice
>and give up his beloved baked beans. A short time later they were married.
>
>Some months later, on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was
>not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of
>the way. He passed a small roadside cafe and decided to call his wife and
>tell her that he would be late for supper. As he entered the cafe, more...

ADAM & EVE
One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't
find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were
earlier. Adam said, "This morning Eve and I made love for the first time."
God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve
now?"
Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."
"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."
THE EPIC OF THE BAKED BEAN
Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked
beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always
caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them. The
reaction of his body to the beans was swift and terrible to behold.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they
would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and more...