Ship Jokes / Recent Jokes

Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
Rust problem in engineering causes support failure- one corner
of warp coil now held up by phone book.
Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image
from flickering.
Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling
through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either
side become too steep for crew to climb.
Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2
people on board.
Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop and the ship is
overcome by ten thousand care bears.
Ship cannot enter warp more...

Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88."
Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.
Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.
Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.
Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.
Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.
Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either more...

A ship floats on the water; but I'll bet you it would float on sand too.

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audiencewould bedifferent each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the sametricks over and overagain. There was only one problem: The captains parrot saw the showseach week andbegan to understand how the magician did every trick. Once heunderstood he startedshouting in the middle of the show: "Look, its not the same hat""Look, he is hiding theflowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magicianwas furious but couldnt do anything; it was, after all, the captainsparrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himselfon a piece of woodin the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared ateach other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another andanother. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Wheres the boat?"

Teacher-Which Was The First Thing To Land On Moon?

Kid-The Wheels Of The Space Ship

A giant ship engine failed in the mid of the ocean. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.
Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!. The ship came to the land safely.
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized more...

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all died and went to Heaven.
St. Peter was having a bad day since heaven was getting crowded. When they got to the gate, St. Peter informed them that there would be a test to get into Heaven and each will have to answer a single question.
To the teacher, he said, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with almost all of its passengers?"
The teacher thought for a second, and replied: "That would have been the Titanic, right?". And St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the Garbage man, and, figuring that Heaven didn't REALLY need all the stink that this guy would bring into heaven, uncharitably decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
The garbage man guessed. "1228".
"That happens to be correct, go ahead."
St. Peter turned to the Lawyer: "Name them."