Shirt Jokes / Recent Jokes

TOP BUMPER STICKER'S SEEN AROUND THE WORLD

1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed... blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices more...

An old Jewish man was once on the subway and he sat down next to a younger man. He noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar. Having never seen a priest before, he asked the man, "Excuse me sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"
The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered "I wear this collar because I am a Father."
The Jewish man thought a second and responded "Sir I am also a Father but I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"
The priest thought for a minute and said "Sir, I am the father for many."
The Jewish man quickly answered "I too am the father of many. I have four sons, four daughters and too many grandchildren to count. But I wear my collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear it your way?"
The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted out "Sir, I am the father for hundreds and hundreds more...

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a
plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit
under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the
first day of the term, still with the cast under his
shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest
students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he
opened the window as wide as possible and then busied
himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit
unruly and he admonished them.
This happened several times. When he could do work at
his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his
tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and
rearranging the tie as the class raised its level of
unruliness.
Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he
stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and
stapled the tie to his chest in several places.
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of school, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that year.

A clerk was showing a lady a very nice dress shirt and tie.
"Now this," the clerk said, "is absolutely elegant. It is perfect for a man-about-town."
"Could be," the woman replied, "but I'm looking more for something for a louse-around-the-house."

A business man enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a
double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks
inside his shirt pocket, then asks the bartender to prepare another
double martini.
After he finishes the second one, he again peeks inside his shirt
pocket, and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
The same pattern is repeated a few rounds; the business man drinks a
double martini on the rocks, peeks inside his shirt pocket, and orders
another one.
Finally, the bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all
night long, no problem with that. But you just gotta tell me why you
look inside your shirt pocket every time before you order a refill!"
The man replies, "Oh, I'm just peeking at a photo of my wife. When she
starts to look good, then I know it's time for me to go home."

A clerk was showing a lady a very nice dress shirt and tie."Now this," the clerk said, "is absolutely elegant. It is perfect for a man-about-town.""Could be," the woman replied, "but I'm looking more for something for a louse-around-the-house."