Shit Jokes / Recent Jokes
Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah
Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?!
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.
Har Krisna: Shit happens, Rama Rama!
T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit!!
Atheism: No shit.
Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happenin'.
Christian Science: Shit Happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Wuz de night befo Crismus
An all ober de hood
Everybody wuz sleepin'
Day wuz sleepin' good.
Everbody wuz sleepin'
all tight in they beds
Whilst Thunderbird Wine
Danced in they heads
I was passed out on de flo
Right next to my Ma
When I heard such a fuss
I thinked "It must be de law!!"
I looked out tru de barz
dat covered my do
Spectin' de sherif
with a warrant fo sho!
Now ober de years
Sanny Claws, he be white.
But it lookin' like us bros
got a black Sanny dis night
Now what I did see
made me say "LAWD Lood at dat!"
It was a huge watermellon cadi
pulled by dwarf rats
Faster than a po-lice car
True de air he came
an whupped up on dem warf rats
an called emm by name.
On Leroy, on Kendrick,
On Jontarious Lee, on Falacious
They was a sight to see
He didn't go down no chimbly
-just picked de lock on my do'
An I says to more...
Notification to all members regarding language use during seminar.It has been brought to the attention of senior members that some individuals have been using bad language during discussions at the seminar. Due to complaints from some of our easily offended members, this type of language will no longer be accepted or tolerated.However, we realise the importance of members being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with each other. With this in mind, our human resources committee has compiled a list of phrase replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without offending our more sensitive members.CURRENT PHRASE-REPLACEMENT PHRASENO FUCKING WAY -I'm fairly sure that's not feasibleYOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING -Really? TELL SOMEONE WHO GIVES A FUCK-Have you run that by... NO BASTARD TOLD ME -I wasn't involved in that.I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME -Perhaps I can stay and work on that.WHO FUCKING CARES -Are you sure more...
Taoism: shit happens.
Hare Krishna: shit happens rama rama ding ding.
Hinduism: this shit happened before.
Islam: if shit happens, take a hostage.
Zen: what is the sound of shit happening?
Buddhism: when shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism: confucius say: "shit happens".
7th Day Adventist: shit happens on saturdays.
Protestantism: shit won't happen if I work harder.
Catholicism: if shit happens, I deserve it.
Jehovah's Witness: knock, knock: "shit happens".
Unitarian: what is shit?.
Mormon: shit happens again & again & again
Judaism: why does this shit always happen to me?
Wuz de night befo CrismusAn all ober de hoodEverybody wuz sleepin'Day wuz sleepin' good. Everbody wuz sleepin'all tight in they bedsWhilst Thunderbird WineDanced in they headsI was passed out on de floRight next to my MaWhen I heard such a fussI thinked "It must be de law!!"I looked out tru de barzdat covered my doSpectin' de sherifwith a warrant fo sho! Now ober de yearsSanny Claws, he be white. But it lookin' like us brosgot a black Sanny dis nightNow what I did seemade me say "LAWD Lood at dat!"It was a huge watermellon cadipulled by dwarf ratsFaster than a po-lice carTrue de air he camean whupped up on dem warf ratsan called emm by name. On Leroy, on Kendrick, On Jontarious Lee, on FalaciousThey was a sight to seeHe didn't go down no chimbly-just picked de lock on my do'An I says to myself-"Shit! He done did befo'!"He had a big sackfull of presents I spectWith Air Jordans and Fake Goldto go 'round my neck. But he didn't leave any presents-just started more...
NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGEIt has been brought to our attention that some individuals have beenusing foul language during the execution of their duties. Due tocomplaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type oflanguage will no longer be tolerated.We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properlyexpress their feelings when communicating with other employees. Withthis in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list ofcode phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue inan effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitivebrethren.Old Phrase New Phrase1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible2. Your fucking joking Really3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by... 4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem7. Eat shit and die You don't say8. Eat shit more...
Taoism: Shit happens.Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of AllahProtestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?! Hinduism: This shit happened before.Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.Har Krisna: Shit happens, Rama Rama! T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit! Atheism: No shit.Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens.Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happenin'.Christian Science: Shit Happens in your mind.Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.Existentialism: What is shit anyway? Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!