Shoe Jokes / Recent Jokes
Her face is on the front of a food stamp.
That your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
When I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
She waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
Burglars break into yo momma's home and leave money.
When I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
The building society repossessed her cardboard box.
She watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
Each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
She can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
When I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked yo momma what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.
I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.
When I rang her doorbell, SHE said' Ding-Dong'
I asked her where the' facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner... ANY corner..."
I visited yo momma's house, more...
Thank you terrorist. First we have to take off our shoes because one guy in the history of flying had a bomb in his shoe. Couldn't security tell he had a bomb in his shoe? He had a size ten shoe on one foot and a Bozo the Clown shoe on the other.
Now we can't take liquids on planes which means that the pilots can't drink during the flight so-back to drinking as much as possible before takeoff.
A Tourist was driving down a country road in Kentucky when he saw a little boy walking down the road with only one shoe on.
He stopped and said, "What's the matter son? Did you lose a shoe?"
The boy says, "Nope! Just found one."
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. "Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says. "Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
Once Upon A Time There Were Two Friends. 1st Friend Said That My Father Has A Sweets Shop So, I Always Eat Sweets.
The Second Friend Says You Are So Lucky My Father Has A Shoe Shop So I Always Eat Shoes.
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." (DOH!)
Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote "Help" on the bottom of the groom's left shoe and "Me" on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of course, this will only work if he must kneel with back to congregation (i.e. Catholic wedding). Make sure you get it so that it is readable with the shoes side by side, left to right, toes toward the floor. Do this far enough in advance so that the paint is dry before the groom wears the shoes to avoid damaging carpets.Besides "Help Me", other possible message to write on the soles are (with varying degrees of cruelness): Left Shoe (I'm With) Right Shoe (Stupid [pointing arrowhead]); Left Shoe (Quick, Call 911!) Right Shoe (Never Mind, I'm Doomed!)