Shopkeeper Jokes / Recent Jokes

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does it do?""Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of more...

Shooting Cans
A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun.
"Can I help you sir?, asked the shopkeeper".

Ah, yes... I want to buy a. 44 Magnum please.
The shopkeeper informs the man that the. 44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for.
The man replies, "I want to shoot cans!"

What? Cans! You don't need a. 44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do, advised the shopkeeper.
The customer has enough and finally says, "Shut up and give me the dang. 44 Mag... I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the more...

In a market there was a shop where brains were sold. a man asked the rates and the shopkeeper replied all have different rates. he asked "ok tell me ", shopkeeper replied,"this is a hindu brain for 500 rs, this is a muslim brains for 500 rs", and then the person asked that one in the showcase, the shopkeeper replied thats a sardars brain for 5 lac, he said, "why is it so expensive ", shopkeeper replied "cause it has never been used".

Sindhi: Yeh banana kaisay diya?

Shopkeeper: 1Rs.

Sindhi: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?

S. K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.

Sindhi: Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de..!!

The slow-moving groundsman ambled into the general store.

Groundsman:' I want two pounds of pesticide for the beetles on the cricket pitch.'

Shopkeeper:' Certainly, sir.'

Groundsman:' Shall I take it?'

Shopkeeper: (heavily)' No. Send the little perishers round for it.'

Once a rabbit came to the town & went to a Hard-ware shop & asked the shopkeeper "is there any carrot here?"
The shopkeeper thought "or... poor rabbit may hungry" & told "dear, this is a hard-ware shop, no carrot here, if u want carrot go & ask that corner shop which sells vegetable"
Rabbit went off.
Next day rabbit came again & asked "is there any carrot here?"
Shopkeeper was a little angry but thought rabbit might forgotten the previous day & replied "I told u once, this is a hard-ware shop & no carrot here?"
Rabbit went off murmuring to itself.
Again rabbit came to the same place next day & asked "is there any carrot here"
The shopkeeper got wild badly & screamed at the rabbit "u fucking rabbit, how many times I have told u no. if u ask again I fuck u & hang u by neck, on this beam, with a rope! !!!!"
Rabbit went off quickly into the bushes.
In the very next day rabbit more...