Shopping Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How does a German eat mussels
A: *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*. .. AUFMACHEN! !!
Q: What`s the difference between a German and a shopping trolley?
A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.
Why are there so many tree lined streets and leafy lanes in France?
Germans like to march in the shade.
After much discussion as to where the capital of the new Germany should be -- Bonn or Berlin -- a compromise was struck: Paris.
Belgium`s national motto:
Belgium: Gateway to France!
Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.
Q: What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany`s best comedian?
A: Only the first one can make you smile.
Q: Why was the Dresden bombing a mistake?
A: The RAF made a (H)ASH of it!
Q: How many people fron Dresden can you fit in a mini?
A: About 25000 if you`ve got a shovel
Heard about the new more...

Seminars for Females (Prepared and presented by Males)1. Elementary map reading2. Crying and law enforcement3. Advanced math seminar: Programming your VCR4. You can go shopping for less than 4 hours5. Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: A study in contrast. 6. PMS: It's your problem, not mine ("It's happened monthly since puberty-deal with it." )7. Driving I. Getting past automatic transmissions8. Driving II. The meaning of blinking orange lights9. Driving III. Approximating a constant speed10. Driving IV. Makeup and Driving; it's as simple as oil and water11. Football: Not a game; a sacrament12. Telephone Translations (Formerly titled, "Me too" equals "I love you")13. How to earn your own money14. Gift giving fundamentals (Formerly titled, "Fabric bad, electronics good")15. Putting the seat down by yourself: Potential energy is on your side16. Beyond "Clean and Dirty" - The nuances of wearable laundry17. Yes, you can fill up more...

Two friends went to the mall to go shopping; one was a brunette and the other was blonde.
As they were shopping, the blonde suddenly said: "That girl could pass as my twin."
The brunette starts laughing. The blonde says: "What is so funny?" The brunette says, "That was a mirror."

Kids should be in sweatshops making cheap electronics, not stealing them.

A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find herhusband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was aboutto storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.Driving along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired andbedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roastbeef you had forgotten in refrigerator. She had only some worn sandalson her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discardedbecause they had gone out of style. She was cold so I gave her asweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because thecolor did not suit you. Her pants were worn out so I gave her a pairof yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now. Then whenshe was about to leave the house she paused and asked, "Is thereanything else your wife doesn't use any more?"

My wife went shopping for feminine protection. She decided on a thirty eight revolver.

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small notebooks?"
"Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."
The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?"
"Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.
The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"
The manager shrugs, "Sorry."
"Hmmph. How about Chapstick?" says the woman.
"Nope. Don't have that."
"Well" the woman says, "If you don't have anything, why don't you close the store?"
The manager shrugs, "Can't. Don't have the key."