Shore Jokes / Recent Jokes

Forest Gump Goes to Heaven...The day finally arrived: Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.Saint Peter says, "Well, Forest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you." "I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven."Forest responds, "It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this." "Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forest." "But, the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?" "Second, how many seconds are there in a more...

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,

"Are there any gators around here?"

"Nah," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do anything," the beachcomber said. "Really?" said the tourist.

The beachcomber added, "The sharks got' em."

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his Father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time, and it should cause the ship to turn
overand sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were
swimming to the safety of shore.
The male whale was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."Look" she says "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to
swallow the seamen"

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are stranded on a deserted island 20 miles from shore. They decide to try to swim to shore. The brunette swims 7 miles, gets tired, and drowns. The redhead swims 10 miles, gets tired, and drowns. The blonde swims 19 miles, gets tired, and swims back.

Rainch - A big cow farm.
Rat - Do it rat now!
Rench - Rench the soap yourself.
Roont - She plum roont her shoes.
Salary - A stringy vegetable.
Soardeens - Small canned fish.
Shar - A light rain.
Gully Worsher - A medium heavy rain.
Toad strangler - A heavy rain Sody.
Pop - A soft drink.
Sprang - Water out'n the ground.
Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail.
Storch - This here aprn has too much storch in it.
Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death.
Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart.
Tho - Tho me the ball.
Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat.
War - A bobbed war fance.
Worsh - Go worsh your face.
Warter - What you worsh your face in.
Yurp - A continent overseas.

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got' em."

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, “Let’s both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. ” They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female “lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore. ”
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. “Look, ” she said, “I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen! ”