Shot Jokes / Recent Jokes
A soldier's letter home:
Dear Mom, I can't tell you where i am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear.
Two weeks later, another letter home:
Dear Mom, I can't tell you where I am, but yesterday i danced with a hula girl.
Two weeks later another letter home:
Dear Mom, I still can't tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot the hula girl.
Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?""My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one," said Bob."Good Lord," said David, "you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here."
Three men were arrested for stealing cars.
Their sentance was to be shot.
The first man was about to be shot, so he pointed behind the people who were going to shoot him and yelled "Flash flood!"
The people who were about to shoot him looked towards the direction he was pointing and he ran away, escaping his punishment.
It was the next man's turn. Like the first man, he pointed behind the people who were about to shoot him, but he yelled "Tornado!"
The people who were about to shoot him looked towards the direction he was pointing and he ran away, escaping his punishment.
The last man was about to be shot. Like the first to men, he pointed behind the people who were about to shoot him, but he yelled "Fire!" and everyone shot him.
Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on Earth are you takingso long to make this shot?""My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one," said Bob."Good Lord," said David, "you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here."
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor. more...
"I just buried my second wife," the widower told his new secretary over lunch, "and I've vowed never to marry again."
"That's a shame," said the woman, "but you know-it helps to talk about these things. What happened to your wives?"
"Well," he sighed, "the first one died after eating poisoned mushrooms, and the second one was shot to death."
"Shot!" the secretary gasped, "how horrible."
"Yes," said her boss, "she wouldn't eat her mushrooms."