Shout Jokes / Recent Jokes

Traffic policeman: `Didn`t you hear me shout to you to pull over?` Motorist: `I`m awfully sorry. I thought you said "Good morning, Chief Constable." ` Traffic policeman: `That`s all right, sir. I just wanted to warn you that the traffic`s pretty bad up ahead.`

- people shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room.

- your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.

- you disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.

- you believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

- you believe prozac should be added regularly to the water system.

- when you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group.

- you want to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide - getting it right the first time."

- you call for a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly toward you.

- you believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow over 150.

- you walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize a co-worker and shout, "They've come to get you...".

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, ”All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP! ’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine. ”
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers ‘Aleeee ooop’ in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens–the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ”It’s no good, I’ll have to do it, ” and yells, ”ALLLEEE OOOP! ” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This more...

1) when you are tick or treating come in through the persons window with a knife and shout " TRICK OR TREAT! "
2) Take a bottle of alchohal and go up to a random person. Shout " The power of christ compells you! " and dump the alchohal on them.
3) While going through the drive through have a breifcase full of monopoloy money ready.whisper into the speaker something in a made up lanuage.Pull up to the window and hand them the breifcase.
4) Go up to someone and start following them.
when they ask you to stop say in a low voice " Death by turtle"
5) GO up to someone and pretend that you know them and talk on and on about your childhood (remember to include them) and then look at them and act really surprised then shout out "IMPOSTER!"

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for God to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "Praise the Lord! God, I need food! I am having a hard time. Please, Lord, send me some groceries!!"
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!"
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries; God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "Praise the Lord! He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

An elderly woman was very well-known for her strong faith and her boldness in always talking about it. Very often she would stand on her front porch and shout out, "Praise the Lord!"
This would infuriate her next-door neighbor, who happened to be an atheist, and he would shout back at her, "You silly, old bat, there ain't no Lord!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady and she prayed for God to send some help. As she stood on her porch, she shouted, "Praise the Lord! God, I am having a hard time and really need some food. Please, Lord, send me some groceries."
The next morning she went out on her porch and found a large bag of groceries. Immediately, she shouted, "Praise the Lord!"
Suddenly, her neighbor jumped out from behind a bush and said, "Ha, you dumb, old woman, I told you there ain't no Lord. I bought those groceries, not God."
The old woman began jumping up and down, clapping her hands, and said, more...