Shower Jokes / Recent Jokes
by Every guy in America: 1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done. 2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to includesomething from each of the four major male food groups: * ** Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red. * **3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall. 4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt. 5. Shopping is not fascinating. 6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking. 7. Unless the answer is yes. 8. In which case, can he videotape it? 9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes. 10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill. 11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny. 12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada. 13. Any more...
A salesman rang the door bell and little Johnny answered. The salesman asked if his father was at home. Johnny said,' 'Yes.'' The salesman said,' 'Well, can I see him please?'' Johnny snickered and said,' 'No, he is in the shower.'' Then the salesman asked if his mother was at home. Johnny said,' 'Yes.''
The salesman said,' 'Well can I see her?'' Johnny snickered again and said,' 'No, she's in the shower too.'' The salesman then asked,' 'Do you think they will be out soon?'' Johnny laughed this time and said' 'No.'' The salesman asked,' 'Why?''
''Well'', Johnny said,' 'when my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him some Super Glue.''
How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair. 11. Shave armpits and legs. 12. Turn off shower. 13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 14. Get out of shower. Dry more...
Hotel Letters
The following letters were taken from an actual incident between aLondon hotel and one of its guests. The hotel submitted the letters to the London SundayTimes for their humor column....
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Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little barsof soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the sixunopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in theshower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be backtomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dishas you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of yourKleenex dispenser in case you more...
Old world charm. ........ Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light.
Tropical. ....................... Rainy.
Majestic setting. ...... A long way from town, at end of dirt road.
Options galore. ............ Nothing is included in the price.
Secluded hideaway. ......Directions to locate unclear.
Some budget rooms. ....Sorry, already occupied.
Explore on your own. ....At your own expense.
Minutes From? ??...........By Plane
Romantic. ..................... No Phone in room
Knowledgeable trip hosts. .. They've flown in an airplane before.
No extra fees. ............. No extras available.
Bird Watchers Paradise...... Your car's paint will never be the same
Nominal fee. ................ Outrageous charge.
Standard. .................... Sub-standard.
Deluxe. ....................... Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations... One complimentary chocolate,
free shower cap.
All the amenities. ........ Two more...
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower? A. Not if you change the baby`s diaper very quickly.
Three female members of an exclusive country club walked into the women's shower room and were shocked to see the lower part of a man's anatomy behind the door of one of the shower stalls. "Well!" said one of the ladies, "that certainly isn't my husband!" The second one added, "He isn't mine, either."
And the third, the youngest of the three, said, "Hell, he isn't even a member of the club."