Shredder Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    So, a seceratary was leaving the office
    when she saw the CEO standing in front
    of the paper shredder with a piece of
    paper in his hand. "Excuse me." said the
    CEO, "This is a very important document.
    Could you get this thing to work?" so the
    seceratary tuned on the machine,
    inserted the paper and pressed the start
    button and the paper went. "Great," said
    the CEO, "I just need one copy."

    Nitroglycerin suppository
    My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
    Paper cuts from hate mail
    Wine press
    Random act of terrorism
    Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
    Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
    Exploding gas barbeque
    Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding
    Rusty meat hook
    Pulp digester / Saw mill
    Sexually transmitted disease
    Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
    Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
    Baney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista... BARNEY!".
    Exploding school bus
    Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
    Childrens Tylenol laced with cyanide
    Sacrifice to a tribal god
    Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
    Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
    Asphixiation on a twinkie
    Bungee more...

    LESSON 1
    A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.
    On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.
    They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
    The ghost says:
    " Normally, one is granted three wishes, but as you are three, I will allow one wish each. "
    So the eager senior manager shouted: " I want the first wish.
    I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries."
    Pfufffff …. and he was gone.
    Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted:
    " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "
    Pfufffff …. And he was also gone.
    The boss calmly said: " I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12. 30 pm. "
    MORAL OF THE STORY: ALWAYS LET THE BOSS SPEAK FIRST

    LESSON 2
    Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand," Listen," said more...

    Thoughts and stories from on the jobMy boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for? " I told him, "Nope! I do this for free." This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too". Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work? " I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions? " She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from? " People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah? ?? When's more...

    One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help.
    "Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important."
    Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper. Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy."

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