Shuttle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Top Ten Changes at NASA to accommodate 76 year-old John Glenn's return to space aboard the shuttle "Discovery:"
10. All important devices now operated by the Clapper.
9. Shuttle's thermostat set at 80 degrees.
8. Shuffle board installed in cargo bay.
7. "Early Bird" specials from Luby's Cafeteria included on menu.
6. One monitor specifically designated for Matlock.
5. Little bowls of candy scattered randomly about the ship.
4. Top speed of shuttle set at 25 miles per hour.
3. Installed a new bifocal windshield.
2. Space pants now go up to armpits.
1. Left-blinker left on for entire mission.

They wanted it to be a very special occasion, one, which would never be forgotten. A safari Bar Mitzvah was being done too often, a neighbor's son had had his ceremony at the Wailing Wall, and the South
Pole was just too cold.
So the father of the boy arranged to rent the shuttle from NASA and take the Rabbi, family, and all their friends into space. The scientists had returned from MIR and it was not being used at present. The excursion created a lot of worldwide attention, and all the press was there to find out how it went.
The first person off the shuttle was the grandmother, and the reporters asked her, "How was the service?"
Grandma answered, "OK".
"How was the boy's speech?"
"OK."
"How was the food?"
"OK."
"Everything was just OK? You don't seem to have liked it? What was wrong?"
"There was no atmosphere!"

Today NASA Tweeted that they removed window #8 from the shuttle Endeavour and will replace it on Thursday. Unfortunately the 140 character limit prohibited them from specifying if they would be using plywood or a Hefty bag with duct tape in the meantime.

Top Ten Changes at NASA to Accommodate 76-Year-Old John Glenn's Return to Space Aboard the Shuttle Discovery:
All important devices now operated by the Clapper.
Shuttle's thermostat set at 80 degrees.
Shuffle board installed in cargo bay.
"Early Bird" specials from Morrison's Cafeteria included on menu.
One monitor specifically designated for Matlock.
Little bowls of candy scattered randomly about the ship.
Top speed of shuttle set at 25 miles per hour.
Installed a new bifocal windshield.
Space pants now go up to armpits.
Left-blinker left on for entire mission.

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were all ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space. As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey One. Do your stuff.'' At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off. Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey Two. Do your stuff.'' At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle seperated from the empty fuel tanks. Another two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to the astronaut...'' At this the astronaut shouted ''I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything.''