Shuttle Jokes / Recent Jokes
"It's nice to be back," said the Space Shuttle's commander, Captain Brent Jett.
His comment was seconded by Mission Specialist Rex Rocket, Lieutenant Jane Spaceway, and Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen.
Your shuttle craft has been up on blocks for over a month.You paint flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"You refer to Klingons as "Critters"You refer to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"You have the sensor array repaired with a bent coat hanger and aluminum foil.You install a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.You say "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies."You hang fuzzy dice over the view screen.You rewire your communicator into your belt buckle.You keep a six-pack under your command chair and a gun rack above it.You say "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
You have a hand-tooled holster for your phaser.You insist on calling your executive officer "Bubba."You set the fore view screen to reruns of "Bassmaster."You program the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens.You paint the starship John Deere more...
Nitroglycerin suppository
My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
Paper cuts from hate mail
Wine press
Random act of terrorism
Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
Exploding gas barbeque
Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding
Rusty meat hook
Pulp digester / Saw mill
Sexually transmitted disease
Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
Baney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista... BARNEY!".
Exploding school bus
Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
Childrens Tylenol laced with cyanide
Sacrifice to a tribal god
Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
Asphixiation on a twinkie
Bungee more...
Editor's Note: It's dry parody. You gotta really like sci-fi to enjoy this one...
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Experiment 8 Postflight Summary
NASA publication 14-307-1792
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ABSTRACT
The purpose of this experiment was to prepare for the expected participation in long-term space based research by husband-wife teams once the US space station is in place. To this end, the investigators explored a number of possible approaches to continued marital relations in the zero-G orbital environment provided by the XXXXXX shuttle mission.
Our primary conclusion is that satisfactory marital relations are within the realm of possibility in zero-G, but that many couples would have difficulty getting used to the approaches we found to be most satisfactory.
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INTRODUCTION
The more...
Needless to say that our hearts and prayers are with the families of Shuttle Columbias heroes. However I would not be surprised if the NASA investigators will try to blame the LEFT-WING for this tragic disaster.
Top Ten changes at NASA to accommodate 76-yr-old John Glenn's return to space:
10) All important devices now operated by the Clapper
9) Shuttle's thermostat now set at 80 degrees
8) The cargo bay now converted into a shuffle board court
7) Amplifier now installed in the headphones
6) Metamucil now served instead of Tang
5) Little bowls of candy scattered around the ship
4) Top speed of shuttle now set at 25 MPH
3) Installed new bifocal windshield
2) Space pants now go up to the armpits
1) Left blinker left on for the entire mission.
Space shuttle Discovery has disengaged from the International Space Station, ready to make its journey back to Earth.
German astronaut Thomas Reiter was left behind on the space station in part to give additional support to the two crew members currently there, but mainly because he's German.