Sick Jokes / Recent Jokes
One night a little girl was having a bad dream so she goes into her dads room and climbs in.
She wakes up her dad-who is sleeping in the nude-and says "Daddy whats that?" And he said o thats Georgie." And falls back asleep.
The next morning he wakes up in the hospital with his daughter next to him and he asks "What happened?" And the girl answers "Georgie spit at me so I cut off his head."
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
"Artichokes. .. are just plain annoying. .. After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual `food` out of eating an artichoke as you would rom licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead." -- Miss Piggy "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." --Sam Levinson "This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn`t say how far to separate them." -- Gracie Allen "I`ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I`ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet." -- Erma Bombeck "I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster." -- Joe E. Lewis "I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead." -- Woody Allen "Food more...
A friend went to the kitchen window to check on her two-year-old son, who was playing in the yard with some older children in the neighbourhood. She was horrified to see that they were feeding him an earthworm. She quickly opened the window and screamed at them, "Don't feed him worms! They'll make him sick!"They looked up at her puzzled and asked, "Was he sick yesterday?"
My wife brought this list home from the health centre last night.
arterythe study of painting
bacteriaback door of a cafeteria
bariumwhat doctors do when patients die
bowela letter like A, E, I, O, U
caesarean sectiona neighbourhood in Rome
cat scanlooking for kitty
cauterisehad eye contact with her
comaa punctuation mark
D & Cwhere Washington is
dilateto live longer
enemanot a friend
festerquicker
fibulaa small lie
impotentdistinguished, well known
labour paingetting hurt at work
medical staffa doctor's cane
nitratescheaper than day rates
nodewas aware of
outpatienta person who has fainted
pap smeara fatherhood test
pelvisa cousin of Elvis
recovery rooma place to do upholstery
rectumnearly killed 'em
secretionhiding something
seizureRoman emperor
tableta small table
terminal illnesa) getting sick at the airport
b) getting sick at your VDU
tumormore than more...
Jim Leyland is "sick and tired" of the steroid saga. Odd, since when most players get sick or tired, they take steroids.