Sickness Jokes / Recent Jokes
A neighbor dropped in to see her friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee, her four kids arguing loudly in the next room.
"What's the matter, Diane?" she asked
"Morning sickness," Diane groaned.
"I didn't even know you were pregnant," said the surprised neighbor.
"I'm not!" replied a very harried Diane. "I'm just sick of mornings!"
The neighbor dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.
"What's wrong Marge?" she asked.
Marge told her that she had "morning sickness."
Surprised, the neighbor said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant!"
"I'm not." the harried young woman replied. "I'm just damn sick of mornings."
SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided you share of the work is done enough to keep the job going in your absence. YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks more...
SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, Relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.
YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty more...
Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Santa says.
"Thought...?" Banta asks. "What do you mean?"
"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Santa says.
"Wasn't that love?" Banta asks.
"No, that was obsession," Santa explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."
"Wasn't that love?" asks Banta.
"No, that was lust," Santa replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Well, wasn't that love," asks Banta.
"No. That was motion sickness!" Santa replies.
The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.
"What's wrong Tracey? " she asked.
Tracey told her that she had "morning sickness". Surprised the neighbour said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant."
"I'm not." the harried young woman replied. "I'm just damn sick of mornings."
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.