Sighs Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts." She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute." The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore. .." The man sighs and says, "It's started. .."

Jerry is watching the end of an intense baseball game when his wife taps him on the shoulder and asks,' Honey, could you fix the front steps? They're ready to collapse.' He sighs and says,' After the game, Flo.' Flo grinds her teeth. She nearly broke her neck climbing those stupid stairs and all he cares about is his stupid baseball game.' Well, could you fix the light in the hall? It's been flickering for weeks.' He sighs and says,' Darn it, Flo, I'm a sports fan, not an electrician. Call Joe Burkes to fix it.' Flo counters:' Can you fix the fridge door, then? It won't shut.' Jerry turns to talk to her and misses the game-winning homer. He turns back to the screen and sees people celebrating and carrying on. He wants to swear. Instead he says,' You want me to fix the fridge? Who do I look like, the Maytag Repairman?' She opens her mouth and he hushes her silent.' I need to cool down,' he says.' I'm going out.' Jerry goes to his favorite watering hole and drinks for about an hour. more...

Before it starts
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts!"
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Ten minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts!"
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"
The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore..."
The man sighs and says, "It's started..."

Jerry is watching the end of an intense baseball game when his wife taps him on the shoulder and asks, 'Honey, could you fix the front steps? They're ready to collapse.'
He sighs and says, 'After the game, Flo.'
Flo grinds her teeth. She nearly broke her neck climbing those stupid stairs and all he cares about is his stupid baseball game. 'Well, could you fix the light in the hall? It's been flickering for weeks.'
He sighs and says, 'Darn it, Flo, I'm a sports fan, not an electrician. Call Joe Burkes to fix it.'
Flo counters: 'Can you fix the fridge door, then? It won't shut.'
Jerry turns to talk to her and misses the game-winning homer. He turns back to the screen and sees people celebrating and carrying on. He wants to swear. Instead he says, 'You want me to fix the fridge? Who do I look like, the Maytag Repairman?'
She opens her mouth and he hushes her silent. 'I need to cool down,' he says. 'I'm going out.'
Jerry goes to his favorite watering hole and more...

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman."
The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, 'tis I."
"And who might be the woman you were with?"
"I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Lisa O'Shanter?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy O'Dell?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona Mallory, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy O' Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've more...

One afternoon, Bill Clinton was sitting in his office when his telephone rang.
"Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says. "This is Bholaji. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on you!" Well, Bholaji," Bill replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" At this moment in time," says Bholaji after a moments calculation, "There is myself, my cousin Herolal, my next door neighbor Pyarelal and the entire Kabbadi team from the Village. That makes 8!" Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Bholaji that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my word." OK," says Bholaji. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day Bholaji calls back. "Right Mr. Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "What equipment would that be, Bholaji?" Bill asks. Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a more...

There is a story about a popular young rabbi, who onSabbath eve announces to the congregation that he willnot renew his contract and is moving on to a largercongregation that will pay him more.There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands upand announces, "If the rabbi stays, I'll provide him witha new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a minivan, to transport their children!"The congregation sighs, and applauds.Goldstein, the entrepreneur and investor stands and says,"If the rabbi stays, I'll double his salary, and establish afoundation to guarantee the college education of hischildren!!"More sighs and applause.Old Mrs. Goldfarb, aged 96, stands and announces,"If the rabbi stays, I offer SEX!!"There is a hush. The rabbi, blushing, asks, "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?"Mrs. Goldfarb answers, "I just asked Mr. Goldfarb what wecould contribute to make the rabbi stay. more...