Similarity Jokes / Recent Jokes
What is the similarity between a woman and a washing machine? They both leak when they're fucked!
Here's a gross one:What's the similarity between Michael Jackson and McDonalds? They both stick their beef between 9 year old buns.
Q. What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried
Chicken?
A. By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs,
all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Why do polo bears like bald men?
Because they have a great, white, bear place!
The folks at American Greetings have compiled a list of lines to use when signing you valentine... depending on your personality:
Bold - face it, you want me
Clever - IOUXOXO
Cosmic - Didn't we know each other in another time and place?
Dreamy - I never believed in love at first sight until you
Enchantress - A valentine spell has been cast on you!
Femme Fatale - You cannot escape. I have ways to make you mine.
Athletic - How about a little one-on-one?
Musical - Always a love song in my heart for you.
No-nonsense - What are you waiting for?
Old fashioned - My mother warned me about guys/girls like you.
Sarcastic - Hey! I signed the card. What else do you want?
Scientific - The chemistry between us is definitely affirmative.
Self-assured - Be my valentine. "NO" is not an option.
Silly - You're hotter than a jalapeno sandwich!
Wild Child - You are twisted and slightly dangerous. I like that in a person.
Worldly - more...
Few things piss me off more than being forced to sit through some whiny-sounding crybaby shitbag from the suburbs with a moth-eaten thrift store wardrobe who knows a few chords on a guitar and thinks his histrionic emotions are important and relevant enough to occupy 45 minutes of stage time.
The song subjects never change, do they? It's always the same shit, the same re-hashed, contrived, stale tripe about climbing metaphorical mountains, chasing that elusive star in the sky and hoping to find that one true love that God placed in the universe especially for you. At least once in every song, make sure to rhyme the following word combinations - Why/Try, Love/Above, Star/Are, and You/True. Throw in a couple bridges with three straight minutes of drawn-out "Ooooohs" and "Ahhhhhhs" and "Oh yeahs", another two minutes of pointless masturbatory guitar-wanking filler, and make sure to close your eyes and tilt your head back in mid-song, as if you're somehow more...
Similarity between the man and the letter "Q" Both are zero without that little thing hanging down there.