Simpson Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. The Communist Manifesto as read by Ronald Reagan
2. The Torah as read by Louis Farrakhan
3. The Koran as read by Sammy Davis Junior
4. The Bible as read by Madeleine Murray O`Hare
5. Walden as read by James Watt
6. The Anarchist`s Cookbook as read by Theodore Kaczinsky
7. How To win Friends and Influence People as read by Dennis Rodman
8. Europe on $10 a Day as read by Steve Forbes
9. The Godfather as read by John Gotti
10. Mr. Boston`s Bar Guide as read by Ted Kennedy
11. Heather has 2 Mommies as read by Jesse Helms
12. The Diary of Anne Frank as read by Jesse Jackson
13. The Physician`s Desk Reference as read by Dr. Jack Kevorkian
14. Catcher in the Rye as read by Mark Chapman
15. Uncle Tom`s Cabin as read by George Wallace
17. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus as read by 2 Live Crew
18. The Cat in the Hat as read by BF Skinner
19. Where the Wild Things Are as read by Michael more...

Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?
****
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get. ***
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
***
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
***
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.
***
Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper! Homer: Oh, now who's being more...

For each Google search, choose the correct number of returned search results.*
1. "Suri Cruise" & "Looks Asian"
a). 14,700
b). 79
c). 470
2. "Suri Cruise" & "Slanty Eyes"
a). 0
b). 3
c). 15
3. "Mel Gibson was right"
a). 32
b). 1,220
c). 511
4. "John Mark Karr" & "Boyishly Sexy"
a). 0
b). 14
c). 19,000
5. "Jessica Simpson" & "John Mayer"
a). 4,470,000
b). 1,410,000
c). 9,650,000
6. "Jessica Simpson" & "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad"
a). 19,100
b). 292,000
c). 909
7. "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad" & "Repressed Homosexual"
a). 43
b). 504
c). 838
*search results as of September 14, 2006, 2:35 PM EDT
Answers: 1)c 2)c 3)b 4)a 5)b 6)a 7)a

Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? ***** Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose. .. it's how drunk you get. ***** Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. ***** It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. ***** Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal. ***** Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper! Homer: Oh, now who's being naive? ***** Homer: But every time I more...

After receiving a verbal tongue lashing, O J Simpson had his original $125,000 bail doubled to $250,000 by a Las Vegas District Court Judge. Proving that even when dealing with "half a deck" you can still "double down".

If you've ever noticed, when Bart Simpson is writing something 100,000 times on the chalkboard as a punishment in the opening sequence of the Simpsons, he is always writing something different -- and often quite hilarious. These are the collected writings of Bart Simpson from the chalkboard exercises during the opening credits.

I will not carve gods.
I will not spank others.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
My name is not Dr. Death.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
A burp is not an more...

by Scott Corliss
1. The Communist Manifesto as read by Ronald Reagan

2. The Torah as read by Louis Farrakhan

3. The Koran as read by Sammy Davis Junior

4. The Bible as read by Madeleine Murray O'Hare

5. Walden as read by James Watt

6. The Anarchist's Cookbook as read by Theodore Kaczinsky

7. How To win Friends and Influence People as read by Dennis Rodman

8. Europe on $10 a Day as read by Steve Forbes

9. The Godfather as read by John Gotti

10. Mr. Boston's Bar Guide as read by Ted Kennedy

11. Heather has 2 Mommies as read by Jesse Helms

12. The Diary of Anne Frank as read by Jesse Jackson

13. The Physician's Desk Reference as read by Dr. Jack Kevorkian

14. Catcher in the Rye as read by Mark Chapman

15. Uncle Tom's Cabin as read by George Wallace

17. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus as read by 2 Live more...