Sing Jokes / Recent Jokes

One chimpanzee studying the palm of another: "I see a grim future for you. You're going to evolve into a man."
The Christmas Parrot "One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" the young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet," was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells!..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her more...

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for an unusual gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols.
He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much of a singer. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night."
The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.
The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet to more...

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates. Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club. Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves. Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
---
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad. Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad. Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
---
Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box. Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels. Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 5 channels. Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.
---
Americans: Love to watch sports on the idiot box. Brits: Love to watch sports in stadiums so they can fight with other more...

Level I:
Your guests are conversing quietly, nibbling at their hors d'oerves, and sipping their drinks. Later, some of the gather by the piano to sing Christmas carols while others admire the ornaments on your tree.
Level II:
Your guests are talking loudly, wolfing hors d'oerves, and drinking from the bottles. Some people gather by the piano to sing "I Gotta Be Me" while others begin rearranging your Christmas ornaments.
Level III:
Your guests are arguing wildly among themselves, those that haven't passed out from the upside-down margaritas. One person is singing "I Can't Get No Satisfaction", which can barely be heard over the sound of breaking ornaments. A small group of guests begin placing hors d'oerves in the piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike.
Level IV:
Your guests, hors d'oerves smeared over their naked bodies, are performing a ritualistic dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing.
In more...

-This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
-Tuesday at 4 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. Will ladies giving milk, please come early.
-Wednesday the Ladies Literary Society will meet. Mrs. Johns will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.
-Thursday at 5 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers will please meet the Minister in his study.
-This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jackson to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
-The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join her.
-On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpeting. All wishing to do something on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper.
-The ladies of the Church have cast more...

Little Willie showed off his singing parrot to his friend Rickie.

"If you pull his left leg," said Willy, "he'll sing' God Bless the Queen.' Pull his right leg and he'll sing "The Star-Spangled Banner.'"

"What happens if you pull both legs?" asked Rickie.

"Squawk!" said the parrot. "I fall off the perch, you idiot!"

· Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
· Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
· Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
· Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
· Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
· Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
· Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
· Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
· Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
· Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
· Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
· Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
· Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one more...