Sing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once there was a lady who had small tits. Well on day she heard about this doctor called Dr. Johnson.So of course she went to see him. He told her how he could help, but she had second thoughts about doing it. He told her to pinch her tits and sing, "
mary had a little lamb. its fleece was white as snow. anywhere that mary went that lamb was sure to go"
Well sure enough she did, and she went from eggs to oranges. she thought it worked so well she wanted to go to melons. well on day she was on a city bus and, she just started sing and pinching her tits. the guy that was sittin next to her said,"
hey you go to dr johnson dont you?"
she was like, "
yeah how did you know?"
all of a sudden he starts to hit his dick and starts to sing, "
hickory-dickory dock!"

Q: What did the lonely banana say?
A: I`m a"kela".

Q: What did the green peas say?
A: Nothing. They just "mutter"Ed.

Q: What did the potato say when it answered the phone?
A: "Aaloo? "

Q: Where do cauliflowers hang out?
A: In the Gobi desert.

Q: What did the flower say to its girl-friend?
A: Why do " phools" fall in love?

Q: What did the fat car say?
A: I`m a "mota"car.

Q: What did the confused egg say?
A: I don`t "unda"-stand.

Q: What do shrimps sing on Christmas?
A: "Jhinga" Bells.

Q: What did the half eaten naan say?
A: I wish I was "puri".

Q: What did the lonely potato sing?
A: "Aaloo lonesome tonight?"

Q: What language do carrots speak?
A: Gajar-ati.

Q: What do you call an almost bald poet?
A: more...

Every Chad down in Chadville liked voting a lot.
But the Grinch, from North Chadville, most certainly did not!
The Grinch hated voting! He thought it a bore.
Now, please don't ask why. Could be Bush, could be Gore.
It could be his heart bled with liberal mush.
It could be, perhaps, that he listened to Rush.
But I think the real reason his trust was so shattered
Was the great Grinchy view that his vote never mattered.
Whatever the reason, Lack of trust, lack of goals,
The Grinch dreaded that day when Chads went to the polls.
He just hated those speeches and negative ads,
And when push came to shove, he just hated the Chads.
He just hated their theme parks, their football-team rooters,
He just hated their gun laws, their barmaids at Hooters.
He just hated their weather, even hated their hate.
And he hated that they were a battleground state.
"So they're making their choices," he snarled with a more...

A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast.
On his way there two nuns look at him and he says,
"Good morning sisters" and they reply in a sing song manner,
"You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite
but he just goes on. He wondered why they thought he grumpy.
He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and
he says,"Good morning Brother."
The Brother replies in a sing song voice, "You got up on the
wrong side of the bed this morning." The priest looks confused
at all this but goes on.
He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow
priest and he says, "Good morning Father." the priest
replies in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of
the bed this morning." Now the priest was mad.
He continues his walk to the dinning hall not saying more...

Once there was a man who wanted a pet. So he went to the pet shop to buy a bird that could sing. the owner siad ''this is an Amazon singing bird. If you put it over water it will sing a song about the sea. If you put it over the train tracks it will sing a song about working on rail road. But never put it over fire.'' So he took it to the lake and put over the water. The bird started to sing a pirates life. ''UHHHH I hate this song. so he took the bird from over the water. He did the same thing with the tracks the bird sung I've been working on the railroads.''UHHHHHH I hate this song too. hmmmm I wonder what would happen if I put him over fire. so he lit a match and the bird sung Chestnuts Roasting over an open fire.

· Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
· Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
· Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
· Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
· Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
· Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
· Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
· Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
· Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
· Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
· Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
· Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
· Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one more...

What do elephants sing at christmas? Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants...