Sinned Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And, who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her
reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well
tell me now.Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must
atone.You cannot attend church for more...

A Priest gets a call from one of his golfing buddies on a Saturday afternoon. "We've got a tee time at 3: 00 and need a fourth... can you make it?" Sadly the priest tells his friend that he has to hear confessions and cannot make it. His friend urges him to get a substitute. Well, being the only priest in this parish, he hasn't many choices. As he ponders his dilemma, he sees the custodian cleaning the church." Hey, Joe... can you help me out??" He explains his dilemma and asks Joe if he would hear confessions for him." Oh, no I wouldn't have any idea what to do!!"." Joe, don't worry... I have this card, you see. When someone confesses their sin, you look on the card... find the sin... and follow it over to the appropriate penance... it's that simple... here comes the first penetant... try it!!"So Joe goes into the confessional and the first penetant comes in and kneels before the screen..."Bless me Father... I have sinned... I have had more...

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, 'Mike, you wait here, I'm going to run in for confession, it's been a long time'.
Pat enters the confessional and says,' Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman'.
The priest asks, 'was it Mrs Murphy'? 'no, Father', was the reply.
'Was it Mrs O'Boyle'? Again the reply was 'No, Father'.
'Was it Mrs. O'Grady'? Pat said, Father, I'll not be teling you the lady's name!
So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary's for each time he had sinned with the woman.
Back on the street, Mike said, 'Well, how did you do'? Pat said, 'Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects'!

Santa Joined The Priest And Then Followed Him Into The Confessional. A Few Minutes Later A Woman Came In And Said "Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"


Priest: "What Did You Do?"

Woman: " I Committed Adultery"

Priest: "How Many Times?"

Woman: "Three Times"

Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"

A Few Minutes Later A Man Entered The Confessional. He Said

"Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"

Priest: "What Did You Do?"

Man: "I Committed Adultery"

Priest: "How Many Times?"

Man: "Three Times"

Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"

Santa, A Quick Learner, Told The Priest That He Understood The Job And The Priest Could Leave.

Santa more...

One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.

The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."

He asked how.

She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.

The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."

He asked how.

"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.

Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.

The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."

A new priest was beginning in the Church confessional. His predecessor had given him a list of sins and their punishments.
The door opened and a man entered. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," he began. "I have stolen."
The priest looked up stealing on the list and told him to say one Hail Mary.
The next time the door opened, a woman walked in. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I had oral sex with the window cleaner."
The priest looked up oral sex on the list but couldn't find it. He opened his door and called out to the cleaning lady, "What does Father John give for a blow job?"
"$12.50 if I take me teeth out."

A new priest was beginning in the Church confessional. His predecessor had given him a list of sins and their punishments.The door opened and a man entered. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," he began. "I have stolen."The priest looked up stealing on the list and told him to say one Hail Mary.The next time the door opened, a woman walked in. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I had oral sex with the window cleaner."The priest looked up oral sex on the list but couldn't find it. He opened his door and called out to the cleaning lady, "What does Father John give for a blow job?""$12.50 if I take me teeth out."