Sinned Jokes / Recent Jokes
Tommy enters the confessional box and says...
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy ?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia ?"
"I'll never tell." "Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed." "Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you more...
One Sunday, my priest asked if I could cover his Confession shift for him -- he said it was easy, since he had a sin list inside the booth which listed both sins and penance. I agreed and took the booth early on Sunday morning. Soon people showed up. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery." "Adultery, eh?" I said. "You sly devil. That'll be three hail mary's, plus five bucks." "Thank you, Father." Another person came into the booth. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled money from work." "Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty. That'll be 5 hail mary's, plus fourteen bucks." "Thank you, Father." This was easy, I thought. I can handle this. Another person came into the booth. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have commited the sin of butt-sex." "Butt-sex, huh?" I looked at the list, but I didn't see butt-sex there. I excused myself to see if I could more...
Father Larry is in the confession booth one day when he has to go to the bathroom really bad. He Calls over to the janitor. Jim, the janitor, comes over and Father Larry explains that he has to go to the bathroom and wants Jim to take over in the confession booth for him. Jim explains that he is not even catholic and does not think it would be appropriate for him to take over, Father Larry insist and explains to Jim that if somebody enters the booth to just look up the punishment in the book on the table. Jim agrees and sits down in the booth.
The first sinner comes in and says 'Father I have sinned, I have cursed at my mother' Jim thumbs through the book and finds 'cursing at mother'. Jim reads the note and tells the sinner to say two hail Mary's and they are forgiven.
A minute later another sinner comes into the booth and says 'Father I have sinned, I cheated on my test'. Once again Jim looks it up in the book and tells the sinner to say three "our Father's" and more...
A priest was hearing confessions one afternoon when a man entered and confessed: "Bless me, Father for I have sinned. I slept with Pussy Green."
The priest gave him absolution and told him his pennance and the man went away. The next man entered the confessional and said: "Bless me father for I have sinned, I slept with Pussy Green."
The priest thought about this coincidence, dismissed it, and gave the man his absolution and pennance.
However, over the course of the afternoon, 10 men confessed to sleeping with Pussy Green. This was very perplexing to the priest. As he was closing up the church later in the afternoon with the help of an alter boy, the priest noticed a woman walking down the church isle.
This woman was all decked out in green - green hat, green boots, green dress, green hand-bag.
The priest turned and asked to alterboy, "Is that Pussy Green?"
The alterboy looked and replied, "I don't think so, Father, I think it more...
A man goes to his Catholic priest, to confess his sins.
Man: "Father, I've sinned. I went to my Uncles house,
but he wasn't there, and his wife wasn't there, so I talked to
his daughter for five minutes, then I had sex with her."
Priest: "Well, it's a first offence, so I'll go easy.
A donation of five dollars, and ten Hail Mary's will earn you
forgiveness."
Then next day, the man goes back to his priest.
Man: "Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
I went back to my Uncles house, but he wasn't there,
and his daughter wasn't there, so I talked to his wife
for five minutes, then I had sex with her.
Priest: "That's twice. You'd better not do it again.
A donation of twenty dollars, and forty Hail Mary's and
I'll forgive you. But I'd better not see you again for a while."
The day after that, the man goes back to his priest.
Priest: "You again? I thought I said I didn't want to see you for more...
Dennis sinned.
Dennis and Edna sinned.
Dennis, Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen sinned.
Lonely Tylenol.
If I had a hi-fi.
Rise to vote, sir.
Bombard a drab mob.
Emit no tot on time.
O, stone, be not so.
Lager, sir, is regal.
No, it is opposition.
Pull up if I pull up.
Niagara, O roar again.
Yawn a more Roman way!
A car, a man, a maraca.
Rot can rob a born actor.
Sit on a potato pan, Otis!
Rats live on no evil star.
Ma is as selfless as I more...