Situation Jokes / Recent Jokes
A collegian was deeply in love with a pretty girl, But he did not have the
courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to go alone and with the help of
a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to her.
HE WROTE:
Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much mediation. I
have a strong indication to become your relation. As to my educational
qualification, it is no exaggeration or fabrication that I have passed my
matriculation examination; no doubt without any hesitation and very little
preparation. What do you say to the solemnisation of your marriage celebration
according to the glorification of modern civilisation and with a view to the
expansion of the population of present generation.
On your approbation of the application, I shall make preparation to improve my
situation, and if such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our
argumentation of the joy and exaltation of our joint more...
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth. You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self- adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
SOCIAL SKILLS
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
* more...
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.No one expects you to run into a burning building.Kidnappers are not very interested in you. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?" People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.There's nothing left to learn the hard way. Things you buy now won't wear out. You can buy a compass for the dash of your car. You can eat dinner at 4:00. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.You can constantly talk about the price of gasoline. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. You get into a heated argument about pension plans. You got cable for the weather channel. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You give lots of money to charities. You sing along with the elevator more...
An old man lived with his hound-dog, Mace, in a run-down shack on the outskirts of town. He had no family and only a few meager possessions: a table and chair, a bed, a bag of hand tools, and his dog. He used the tools to do odd jobs in town, for which he usually would be paid enough to get food for the next day. Mace and his master lived from one day to the next on what little these jobs would bring in. The dog was just a normal hound, with one exception: while most dogs like to chew on grass occasionally, Mace loved it. When the old man was in town, Mace would spend the day in the yard in front of the house, chewing away on the lawn.
One bright, sunny day the old man said goodbye to his dog and headed into town to work. He had a plumbing repair job in one of the homes there that would take him most of the day and would probably pay enough for food for the remainder of the week, if he managed the money carefully. He headed for town with a spring in his step and a whistle on his more...
There are ways to make just about any situation fun, even going to your dorm shower...
1. Enter the stall. Shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really loudly, exclaiming, "I didn't know I had one of THOSE!"
2. Enter the stall, fully clothed. Do not undress and make sure your clothes get all wet and soapy. Complain when leaving the bathroom that your shirt tends to bleed.
3. Ask Scottie to beam you up.
4. Enter the stall, undress and then re-dress up as Superman. Leap out of the stall, vengefully vow to stop Lex Luther's evil plot, then run full force into the wall. Stand up, shake your head, and proceed to take your shower.
5. Bring a bottle of fake blood or ketchup into the shower with you. Exclaim "Ow! You know, it really hurts when you pop one of those." Then let the blood/ketchup seep down the drain for all to see.
6. Bring in a rubber chicken. Get it all soapy, then toss in into the next stall. Demand that the person in that more...