Slide Jokes

Four union members were discussing how smart their dogs were.

The first was a member of the Vehicle Builders Union who said that his dog could do maths calculations. His dog was named "T-Square" and he told him to go to the blackboard and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with cunsumate ease.

The Amalgamated Metal Workers Union member said he thought his dog was much better. His dog, named "Slide Rule", was told to fetch a dozen biscuits and divide them into four piles which Slide Rule did without problem.

The Liquor Trades members admitted that both were quite good but he felt his dog could out perform them. His dog named "Measure" was told to go and get a stubby of beer and pour seven ounces into a 10 ounce glass. The dog did this without a flaw.

They turned to the Waterside Workers Union member and said, "What can your dog do?"

The Waterside Worker called his dog, more...

By Randy Jeffries/Weekly World News (January 23, 1996)
Bocholt, Germany - A band musician died of a brain injury when the trombonist behind him jerked the slide of his trombone forward and struck the trumpeter in the back of the head!
Police say the tragedy occurred as the Gratzfeld College band was rehearsing the spirited American jazz classic, When the Saints Go Marching In.
According to other band members, trombonist Peter Niemeyer, 19, "got carried away" with the music. He started gyrating and thrashing around as he played.
At one point, he jerked forward and the rounded metal slide on his instrument hit trumpet player Dolph Mohr, 20, dropping him instantly to the floor.
"Niemeyer was pumping the slide very hard," said medical examiner Dr. Max Krause. "But it wasn't just the force of the blow that killed Mohr.
"The slide struck him in the worst possible place - the vulnerable spot just behind and below the left ear. "Bone more...

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff!". T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff!". Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff!". Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone more...

I slide to first.
I feel like I'm going to burst.
Diarrhea, diarrhea.
I slide to two.
My pants are filled with goo.
Diarrhea, diarrhea.
I slide to third.
I dropped a runny turd.
Diarrhea, diarrhea.
I slide to home.
My pants are filled with foam.
Diarrhea, diarrhea.
First its in the pants, then its on the floor.
I make a 20 yard dash to the bathroom door.
Some people think its funny.
Its coming out back runny.
Well, diarrhea.

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone more...