Slow Jokes / Recent Jokes

Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about. The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell' LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion." Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband' Seven-UP'". "Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband' Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals." Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady. The second lady then more...

Q: What moves less than 3cm in an hour?
A: An asthmatic ant with heavy shopping!!

The story begins in a Colombo suburb. The mother was very concerned that her middle-aged son has not shown the slightest indication of getting married. So one day she called her son to her house.
The son came home from work, grudgingly. Upon arriving, he found that his mother had gathered a few beautiful ladies at the house for him to choose as his future bride.

The first one was a well-endowed telephonist-cum-receptionist. He immediately commented that: "Aiyoo amma, they always say.... PLEASE HOLD ON. .. HOLD ON........"
The second nominee was a leggy secretary. This was rejected also. Reason being: "Aiyoo... amma, secretaries are always fond of Saying "PLEASE SLOW DOWN. .. SLOW DOWN...."

By this time, the mother is nearing frustration. She called a sweet but plain-looking teacher. The son suddenly agreed!!
The mother was surprised and asked, "Why this one? The previous two were a lot better looking!"
He more...

1. Before changing lanes you should:
A. signal.
(B) check for traffic.
(C) both a & b.
(D) just swing into the lane without doing either a or b.
2. The top light on a traffic signal is:
A. red.
(B) yellow.
(C) green.
(D) Who cares, it doesn't apply to me anyway.
3. The speed limit in a residential area is:
A. 35 MPH.
(B) 25 MPH.
(C) 45 MPH.
(D) I paid $65,000 for this car, I'll drive as fast as I want.
4. In California, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should:
A. slow to a walking pace.
(B) go around the block.
(C) stop.
(D) speed up and honk your horn.
5. In the other 49 states, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you
should:
A. maintain your speed.
(B) slow a little.
(C) slow a lot.
(D) speed up and don't bother honking your horn.
6. Your may make a left turn from the right lane:
A. never.
(B) when there is a left turn arrow.
(C) on Sunday at 2 more...

It was a slow day in heaven so God telephoned Satan to see what was going on. "It’s slow here too," says Satan. "Well," God said, " I think a dog show might be fun. Let’s put on a dog show." "Sounds good," says Satan, "But why are you calling me? You’ve got all the dogs up there." "I know," answered God, "But, you’ve got all the judges down there!"

A priest, a doctor, and a lawyer were waiting one morning on a particularly slow group of golfers.
"What's wrong with these guys?" fumed the lawyer. "We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

"I don't know," said the doctor, "but I've never seen such

ineptitude!"

"Here comes the greenskeeper," said the priest. "Let's have a word with him. Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow. aren't they?"

"Oh, yes," said George, "That's the group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our club last year. We let them play here anytime free of charge!"

Everyone was silent for a moment.

Then the priest said, "That's so sad, I think I'll say a prayer for them tonight."

"And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there is anything he can do for them," the more...

"Your name?"
>> "Dinesh."
>> "How do you spell it?"
>> "D-I-N...."
>> "Slow, slow, T?"
>> "No, D.
>> "Is that T as in Tom, or D as in Dennis?"
>> "No, not Dennis, my name is Dinesh."
>> "I know that. I am asking you, is that a T as in Tom, or D as in. ..
>> as in Detroit?"
>> "I don't know who Tom is, and I haven't been to Detroit. I just came
>> to the US from Madras."
>> "OK, OK, I know that. Is that T-I- or D-I-? "
>> "D. D-I-. D-I-N-E-S-H."
>> "Is that your last name or first name?"
>> "Uh? Dinesh is my name."
>> "OK. What is your LAst name?"
>> "That is my first and last name. Dinesh."
>> "Then, is your name Dinesh Dinesh?"
>> "No. My name is Dinesh."
>> "But what is your LAST NAME? I am ASKING YOU ABOUT more...