Slow Jokes / Recent Jokes

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject says that he did stop. The cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down. The gentleman said' Stop or slow down, what's the difference?. The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick and said, Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?

The story begins in a Colombo suburb........ the mother was very concerned that her middle-aged son has not shown the slightest indication of getting married.
So one day she called her son to her house.
The son came home from work, grudgingly. Upon arriving, he found that his mother had gathered a few beautiful ladies at the house for him to choose as his future bride.
The first one was a well-endowed telephonist-cum-receptionist. He
immediately commented that:
"Aiyoo amma, they always say.... PLEASE HOLD ON, HOLD ON........"
The second nominee was a leggy secretary. This was rejected also. Reason being: - "Aiyoo... amma, secretary are always fond of saying " PLEASE SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN...."
By this time, the mother is nearing frustration. She called a sweet but plain-looking teacher. The son suddenly agreed!! The mother was surprised and asked, "Why this one? The previous two were a lot more better more...

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3. 1 to GirlFriendPlus1. 0 (marketing name: Fiancee1. 0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1. 0 to Wife1. 0, and it's a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1. 0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1. 0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.
Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4. 0:
1. A "Don't remind me again" button.
2. Minimize button.
3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4. 0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects).
I tried running Girlfriend 2. 0 with Girlfriend 1. 0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1. 0, but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to more...

What happens when business is slow at a medicine factory? You can hear a cough drop.

Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about.
The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell 'LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion."
Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband 'Seven-UP'".
"Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband 'Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals.
"Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady.
The more...

Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about.The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell 'LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion."Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband 'Seven-UP'". "Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband 'Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals."Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady. The second lady then muses more...

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

"The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

[dramatic pause]

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's more...