Smaller Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Italian family is at the dinner table when the father
says to his oldest son, "Tony! Why you-a such a fat-a fuck?"
Tony says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's spaghetti! I can't-a
stop-a eating it."
Poppa says, "You should-a take-a smaller bites!"
Then Poppa says to his middle son, "Michael! Why you-a such a fat-a fuck?"
Michael says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's lasagna. I can't-a stop-a eating it,
it's-a so good."
Poppa says, "You should-a also take-a smaller bites."
Then Poppa says to his youngest son, "Fredo! How you-a stay so slim-a and-a
trim-a."
Fredo says, "It's-a so easy, Poppa. I eat-a lots and lots
of-a pussy."
Poppa says, "Pussy? Pussy, that's-a taste like shit!"
Fredo says, "Poppa, You should-a take-a smaller bites!"

1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
Neither does any dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.


2. How Dogs Are Better Than Men

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs more...

Smaller or larger tuxedo
A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.
After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.
The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.