Smile Jokes / Recent Jokes

See Mother. See Mother laugh. Mother is happy. Mother is happy about
Christmas. Mother has many plans. Mother has many plans for Christmas.
Mother is organized. Mother smiles all the time. Funny, funny Mother.
See mother. See mother smile. Mother is happy. The shopping is all done. See
the children watch T.V. Watch children, watch. See the children change their
minds. See them ask Santa for different toys. Look, look, Mother is not
smiling. Funny, funny Mother.
See Mother. See Mother sew. Mother will make dresses. Mother will make
robes. Mother will make shirts. Look... Mother put the zipper in wrong.
See Mother sews the dress on the wrong side. See Mother cut the skirt too
short. See Mother put the material away until January. Look, look, see
Mother take a tranquilizer. Funny, funny Mother.
See Mother. See Mother buy raisins and nuts. See Mother buy candied
pineapple and powdered sugar. See Mother buy flour and dates and pecans more...

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the forth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained to the driver and had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "
Well your Honor, it was like this. When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, "
The Gold Dust Twins are coming,"
and I had to smile. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "
Sloan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,"
and I had to grin. Then she placed herself under a sign that said, "
William's Big Stick Did The Trick"
, and I could hardly control myself. BUT-when she moved the forth time and sat under a sign that said more...

Why dont apples smile when you go bobbing? Because theyre crab apples!

In the afternoon this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake one guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures him to stop. Our guy rolls down the window. "How can I help you?"

"I am the red bastard of the asphalt, you got something to eat?"

With a smile in his face he hands one of his sandwiches to the red dressed guy and drives away. Not even five minutes thereafter he comes across another guy. This time the guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving him to stop. A bit irritated our guy stops, cranks down the window. "What can I do for you?"

"I am the yellow bastard of the asphalt, you got something to drink?"

Hardly managing to smile this time he hands to the guy a can of coke and then stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset he decides to go faster more...

After a long career in teaching, you have finally reached that magical year when you are about to retire. As the year flies along, you begin to notice changes in and around you that signal to everyone that you must be a retiree-to-be and retirement weeks away!
You know you’re a retiree-to-be when…
Fellow staff members greet you in the hall with, “Oh! Stop smiling! ”
You get up to the checkout counter at Borders, and you realize you’re buying books you won’t need next year.
Your file cabinets are getting lighter, and your circular file is getting heavier.
You find yourself saying, “Yes! ” whenever an administrator or union officer asks you to be on a committee next year.
The custodian has complained to the principal that the trash he removes daily from your room is 10 to 20 times greater than any other room in the building- including the cafeteria.
You get in line at the copy machine, and realize you don’t have anything to more...

Inspirational stuff!!!
It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you have to let go.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Dream more...

The CEO arrived for his appointment with the urologist who informed him he'd need a sperm sample. The doctor told him to go into room four. When he entered the room, he was floored by two gorgeous, topless women. With a smile, they beckoned him to a table, undressed him, then began to stimulated him to the largest emission of his life.
With a smile and a huge sperm sample, the CEO walked out of the room. Realizing he had to take a leak, he opened to door to what he thought was the bathroom and closed it quickly when he realized he'd made a mistake, since there was a guy in there whacking off to a beat up copy of Hustler. He opened a second door and saw a guy getting off to a Playboy centerfold
Just then the doctor came down the hall. The CEO gestured to the rooms with magzines and said, "What's with those guys?"
The doctor said, "Them... they're just my Medicaid patients."