Smoking Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two old ladies are standing at a bus station and one of them is smoking. Suddenly it starts raining so the smoking one takes out a condom from her purse, cuts the edge off and puts it over the cigarette. Her friend asks her: "What are you doing?!?" So she replies: "I don't want my cigarette to get wet so I covered it with a condom"
So her friend asks: "Whats a condom? Where did you get it?" So she says: "At the pharmacy" So the next day her friend goes to the pharmacy and asks the clerk if she can get a condom. The clerk asks: "What size?" So she replies: "I dunno, one that will fit a camel"
TEENAGE ASIAN GANGSTERS Your car probably looks like this by now. Wears a Buddha bracelet on wrist. Start smoking cigarettes by the age of 13. Wear some really baggy pants with a white logo T-shirt. Have either the typical Asian haircut with long dyed bangs or some slicked back hair. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe. Kiss up to older gang members to increase rank. OLDER ASIAN GANGSTERS Sport a lot of gold jewelry to show off. Wear nice tight pants, with HK-Style See-Through Shirts. Been Smoking for at least 10 years. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe. Tell stories about glorious past to younger gangsters. Treat the teenagers good so they can introduce you to young virgin girls. Living at home with parents, still! Slick back hair, or just regular Asian haircut. Show off with guns and drugs which actually belong to someone else. Hang out in gambling dens and massage parlors, but never do anything but watch the other people. LEADERS OF ASIAN GANGS more...
A friend asks his friend for a cigarette. His friend says, "I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking". The man says, " I am in the process of quitting". Right now, I am in the middle of phase one. What's phase one? I've quit buying.
A guy enters a drugstore and lights up a cigar.
The owner, a bit outraged, says "Sir, please refrain from smoking here, it is a public place.."
A bit bewildered, the guy answers "But it is only yesterday I bought those cigars here."
The owner quietly replies: "Irrelevant, sir, we also sell condoms here!"
No Smoking Here A guy enters a drugstore and lights up a cigar.
The owner, a bit outraged, says "Sir, please refrain from smoking here, it is a public place.."
A bit bewildered, the guy answers "But it is only yesterday I bought those cigars here."
The owner quietly replies: "Irrelevant, sir, we also sell condoms here!"
A friend asks his friend for a cigarette.
His friend says, "I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking".
The man says, " I am in the process of quitting". Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.
What's phase one?
I've quit buying.
A guy enters a drugstore and lights up a cigar.The owner, a bit outraged, says "Sir, please refrain from smoking here, it is a public place.."A bit bewildered, the guy answers "But it is only yesterday I bought those cigars here."The owner quietly replies: "Irrelevant, sir, we also sell condoms here!"