Smoking Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walked into a gas station and bought a pack of cigarettes. After paying, he immediately took one out and started to smoke it.
"Pardon me, sir," said the cashier, "but there's no smoking in here."
"Don't you think it's kind of dumb that I can buy them here but can't smoke them here?" he snapped.
"Not at all, sir," the cashier replied, "we also sell condoms!"
Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.""There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane...""Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.""We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.""Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign more...
You think about Korean martial arts everyday. You begin to sprinkle Korean words and phrases into your conversation. You have a Korean dictionary which you never use. When you see a magazine rack you quickly check for new martial arts magazines first and read the articles on Korean martial arts first. You always make it a point to check the martial arts section of the bookstore and look for Korean martial arts books first. You shop for clothes based on your ability to high kick in them. Adidas is your favorite sports clothing brand. You sewed your school patch onto your bathrobe. You tie your monogrammed bathrobe belt (which you never wash) into a square knot and then check to make sure the ends are exactly even. You open the refrigerator door with a roundhouse kick and shut it with a side kick. You develop a taste for Korean food and other Asian food as well. You develop an interest in Korean members of the opposite sex. You look more to your sabumnim/kwanjangnim for guidance and more...
In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b) A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17. It is against the law to pass a horse on the street. It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks. Liquor stores may not sell milk. Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor. You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her. One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate. Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session. Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes. Pedestrians more...
What the best way to get a guy to stop smoking after sex? Fill his water bed with gasoline.
Whats the best way to get a guy to stop smoking after sex?
Fill his water bed with gasoline.