Smoking Jokes / Recent Jokes

I got this stuff from one of my friend: Overheard at the Bharatiya Janata Party office in Bombay:
Person 1 (to another who was smoking a foreign made cigarette): "You claim to be staunch advocate of the swadeshi (locally-made) movement, then why are you smoking a foreign cigarette?"
Person 2 replied: "Where am I smoking the cigarette? I am simply burning it to ashes."

Morty arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot in the house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend Marvin has finally quit smoking."Imagine that, Morty," she says, "Someone who smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a sudden. Now that's what I call will power - something that you definitely don't have."
But Sadie hadn't finished. "And that's not all. I hear that Bernie, that drunken friend of yours, is finally giving up drinking - another example of the kind of will power that you don't have."
"OK, Sadie," said Morty, "you want to see will power, do you? Well here's will power. I am going to sleep in the spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you that I won't be affected at all by not sleeping with a woman."
Morty keeps to his word.
One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, there is a knock on his bedroom door.
Morty shouts out, "What do you more...

The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Cant you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We dont worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."

Recent Canadian government research has shown that cigarette smoking not only impairs sexual ability, it actually causes shrinkage of the male sexual "equipment." Wow! If that is true, we need to get the word out ASAP! Maybe the warning on the cigarette packs should be updated to reflect this new information. How about something like this: * Warning: These cigarettes are king size - how about you? * Warning: Smoking sections in restaurants aren't the only things getting smaller. * Warning: If you don't reduce your smoking, your smoking will reduce you. * Warning: Smoking may lead to ridicule on your honeymoon. * Warning: Smoke rises, but you may not. * Warning: Second-hand smoke can be harmful to children - That is.. if you're capable of conceiving any. * Warning: Cigarettes get shorter the more you puff - so do you. * Warning: How can you enjoy a smoke afterwards, if there's no before? * Warning: The only thing left after a smoke is a dead stub. * Warning: Don't throw lit more...

Recent Canadian government research has shown that cigarette smoking not only impairs sexual ability, it actually causes shrinkage of the male sexual "equipment."
Wow! If that is true, we need to get the word out ASAP! Maybe the warning on the cigarette packs should be updated to reflect this new information. How about something like this:
* Warning!: These cigarettes are king size - how about you?
* Warning!: Smoking sections in restaurants aren't the only things getting smaller.
* Warning!: If you don't reduce your smoking, your smoking will reduce you.
* Warning!: Smoking may lead to ridicule on your honeymoon.
* Warning!: Smoke rises, but you may not.
* Warning!: Second-hand smoke can be harmful to children - That is... if you're capable of conceiving any.
* Warning!: Cigarettes get shorter the more you puff - so do you.
* Warning!: How can you enjoy a smoke afterwards, if there's no before?
* Warning!: The only thing left after a more...

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Case Report:
Unique Case of Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer's Syndrome
Source: North Pole Journal of Medicine, vol 1 no. 1, December 1997
Author: Dr. Iman Elf, M. D.
On January 2, 1997, Mr. C, an obese, white caucasian male, who appeared approximately 65 years old, but who could not accurately state his age, presented to my family practice office with complaints of generalized aches and pains, sore red eyes, depression, and general malaise. The patient's face was erythematic, and he was in mild respiratory distress, although his demeanor was jolly. He attributed these symptoms to being "not as young as I used to be, HO! HO! HO!", but thought he should have them checked out. The patient's occupation is delivering presents once a year, on December 25th, to many people worldwide. He flies in a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer, and gains access to homes via chimneys. He has performed this work for as long as he can remember. Upon examination and more...