Soccer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Boy: Do you play professional soccer?
Girl: ya, I do.
Boy: You must have gotten hit in the face alot!!!

Big news out of England this morning that David Beckham has been dropped from the country's soccer team.

Tough decision for England's coach Steve McClaren?

Not really. The nail in Beckham's coffin came when, on the same day, British authorities announced that baby formula would no longer be allowed on all outbound flights out of Heathrow Airport.

A blonde was walking past a schoolyard during recess when she saw a young girl standing all alone on one end of the soccer field, while the other children all played a game of soccer. Feeling sorry for the poor child, she went up to the girl and made small talk.
She asked the little girl if she was OK.
The little girl replied she was fine.
The blonde then said, "Why don't you go play with the other children?"
The little girl replied, "I already am."
The blonde, a bit annoyed said, "What do you mean, you already am?"
The girl replied, "I am playing."
The blonde, thinking the girl was lying so she wouldnt be embarassed, said, "Wanna be friends?"
The girl hesitated, then reluctantly said Sure.
The blonde, feeling she made progress, says, "Would you like to go play in the sandbox?"
The girl replies, "Sure... after I'm done playing soccer. I'm the goalie."

Difference between soccer players can be seen in a cornerkick rebound:chelsea player-force the shot,barcelona player-dribble past two players and take the shot,manchester united player-fake the shot and pass to a better positioned player,arsenal player-fake the shot and dribble past two players then pass to your own goalkeeper...

Soccer star David Beckham recently visited with the New York Yankees. He reportedly told them, “Seriously, you can make millions of dollars and NOT play. It’s awesome.”

Editor's note: I just realized that Beckham actually did play last night....finally. But I'm still posting this joke, because I know all of you care deeply about soccer.

American Joey Chestnut won another hot dog eating championship over the weekend. Which totally makes up for our soccer team losing to Brazil.

Ben and Bill are lumberjacks. One fateful day, Ben accidently chopped off his arm. So Bill put the arm in a plastic bag. He took it to the hospital and says that it will take 6 hours to repair it. So Bill left for six hours and came back. The doctor said he finished up early and that Ben is at the bar. So Bill went to the bar and found Ben throwing darts with the reattached arm. A few weeks later Ben had nasty accident and chopped off his leg. So Bill put it in a plastic bag and took it to the hospital and the docter said it would take 8 hours to fix. So Bill waited 8 hours and then came to the hospital, and the doctor said the he finished up early and is at the soccer field. So Bill went to the soccer field to find Ben playing a grand game of soccer. The next month Ben had a deadly accident and chopped off his head, so Bill put it in a plastic bag and took it to the hospital. The doctor said the surgery would be pretty hard and he should wait 12 hours. Bill came back to the hospital more...