Sofa Jokes / Recent Jokes

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is Chinese take-out.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is deciding on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is a flickering flame.
Marriage is a flickering television.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough?!"

Christmas of 1997, a couple of my Dad's friends decided to cut down their own tree. Upon returning home, the husband was covered in pine pitch, so he started a shower while his wife began to decorate the tree. If only it remained that simple...

Mid-shower, the wife let forth with a huge scream bringing the husband bounding down the stairs wearing nothing but suds. She was pointing under the sofa, shrieking "A snake! A huge black snake crawled out of the tree and slithered under the sofa!"

The husband quickly began his manly-man duty, and got on hands and knees and crawled under the coffee table to get a better look under the sofa. Meanwhile, the wife sprinted outside to get some help, and released their Labrador Retriever from his pen. The dog ran inside the open back door and into the living room. Upon spying the husband in his awkward position, the dog did what any dog with an ice-cold nose would do when meeting someone. Feeling this glacial greeting, more...

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting, now there is the new Cat Miracle Diet!

Most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for 4 days and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to more...

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked." Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa." "You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested." Sectional schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!"

Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."
I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

Theres a mother and a daughter walking in the park and the daughter sees to tenagers having sex
The daughter goes to the mother and says: what r they doing mummy?
So mummy says there making cakes.
The morning after the daughter goes to the mother and says: u and daddy were making cakes last night, werent u?
And the mum goes: how do u no?
So the daughter says: coz i was licking the icing from the sofa.

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch more...