Software Jokes / Recent Jokes
People for Ethical Treatment of Software (PETS) announced today
that more software companies have been added to the group's "watch list"
of companies that regularly practice software testing. "There is no
need for software to be mistreated in this way so that companies like
these can market new products," said Ken Grandola, spokesperson for
PETS. "Alternative methods of testing these products are available."
According to PETS, these companies force software to undergo
lenghty and arduous tests, often without rest, for hours or days at a
time. Employees are assigned to "break" the software by any means
necessary, and inside sources report that they often joke about
"torturing" the software.
"It's no joke," said Grandola. "Innocent programs, from the day
they are compiled, are cooped up in tiny rooms and "crashed" for hours
on end. They spend their whole lives more...
Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5. 0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7. 5, CruiseShip 2. 3, and OperaNight 6. 1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1. 3, SaturdayFootball 5. 0, Golf 2. 4 and ClutterEverywhere 4. 5. Conversation 8. 0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14. 1 or HouseCleaning 2. 6.
I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix Husband 1. 0, but this is all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!
Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women more...
Why is sex like software?
For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it for free.
"Who Wants to Marry a Software Engineer?" is Silicon Valley's newest game show.
What quality do you value most in your partner?
A sense of humor
Emotional maturity.
High bandwidth.
When you get home at the end of the day, you like to:
Turn on the Silicon Valley Business report, and eat dinner.
Hook up to your ISP, and check out the hit count on your web page.
Recharge your cell phone, laptop, and wireless modem, change batteries on your pager, and resynchronize your Palm Pilot and home computer.
Your ideal partner is:
Interesting and attractive.
Emotionally mature and understanding.
Extensible and polymorphic.
In spiritually difficult times, you often turn to:
Dilbert
Kernighan and Ritchie
comp.lang.c++
If go over to your partner's place and think its a mess, you would:
Complain to him/her, and tell them to tidy up.
Call a maid service.
Make clean
What kind of car would more...
1. Thou shalt not worry about bugs.
Bugs in your software are actually special features.
2. Thou shalt not fix abort conditions.
Your user has a better chance of winning state lottery than getting the same abort again.
3. Thou shalt not handle errors.
Error handing was meant for error prone people, neither you or your users are error prone.
4. Thou shalt not restrict users.
Don’t do any editing, let the user input anything, anywhere, anytime. That is being very user friendly.
5. Thou shalt not optimize.
Your user are very thankful to get the information, they don’t worry about speed and efficiency.
6. Thou shalt not provide help.
If your users can not figure out themselves how to use your software than they are too dumb to deserve the benefits of your software any way.
7. Thou shalt not document.
Documentation only comes in handy for making future modifications. You made the software perfect the first time, it will more...
The Life Cycle of Software
Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. See 3. See 4. See 5. See 6. See 7. See 8. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely pre-mature product announcement based on over-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer more...
At a recent Sacramento PC User's Group meeting, a company was demonstrating its latest speech-recognition software. A representative from the company was just about ready to start the demonstration and asked everyone in the room to quiet down. 0 Just then someone in the back of the room yelled, "Format C: Return." Someone else chimed in, "Yes, Return." Unfortunately, the software worked.