Software Jokes / Recent Jokes

NEW PRODUCT: MICROSOFT CONTRACEPTIVES
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of contraceptive'98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.
It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive'98 suite consists of three products: Condom'98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package.
The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive'98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive'98 Small Business more...

1. For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me,
See if they can do it again.
2. For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me,
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
3. For the third bug of Christmas, my manager said to me,
Try to reproduce it,
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
4. For the fourth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me,
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
5. For the fifth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me,
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
6. For the sixth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me,
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it more...

A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof - out pops a genie."Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you."The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew.""It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.The software engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest.""It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.The program manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, "I'd like those more...

The year 2000 dilemma has been solved.
This is a memo to announce the development of a new software system.
We are currently building a data centre that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).
At 9:00am next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS.
As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed once MYASS expands.
Several people who are using the program already have come to depend on it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. I've noticed that some of the less more...

At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?"Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
10. 1 to release a beta version 1 to complete the documentation 1 to test for hardware compatibility 1 to deny tech support 1 to configure the TCP/IP 1 to check for y2k compliance 1 to program the software to be compatible with the other software 1 to approve the invoice for the ladder 1 to change the bulb. (That's nine because there's always one more thing you need.)

A Letter from a S/W Professional to his girl friend:
Sweetheart, I've seen you yesterday while surfing on local train platform and realised that you are the only site I was browsing for. For long time, I've been lonely, this has been the bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now. My life is just uncompiled program without you which never produces an executable code and hence is useless.
You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well. Your smile is so delightful which encourages me and gives power to me equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.
When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results.
/* which I never experienced before */. With this letter, I just want to convey you that, if we are linked together, I'll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for human being to live a error free life. Also don't bother about the more...