Software Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: "We'll document it in the manual."
> A great new software announcement!!!!
>
> This memo is to announce the development of a new software system. We
> are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data
> that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the
> "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).
>
> Next Monday at 9: 00 there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS
> to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the
> month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good
> look
> at MYASS. As for the status of the implementation of the program, I
> have
> not addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person at a
> time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS
> expands.
>
> Several people are using the program already and have come to depend
> on
> it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office more...
Q: How many software vendors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: You have to do it yourself, pay them $99 for the privilege, and re-wire your sockets to suit the new bulb.
Speech Recognition Software DemoAt a recent Sacramento PC User's Group meeting, a company was demonstrating its latest speech-recognition software. A representative from the company was just about ready to start the demonstration and asked everyone in the room to quiet down. Just then someone in the back of the room yelled,"Format C: Return." Someone else chimed in:"Yes, Return"Unfortunately, the software worked...
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb? A:10. 1 to release a beta version 1 to complete the documentation 1 to test for hardware compatibility 1 to deny tech support 1 to configure the TCP/IP 1 to check for y2k compliance 1 to program the software to be compatible with the other software 1 to approve the invoice for the ladder 1 to change the bulb. (That's nine because there's always one more thing you need.)
It seems that historical religious leaders (between moments of dispensing wisdom) had also learned software programming.
One day, a great contest was held to test their skills.
After days and days of fierce competition, only two leaders remained for the last day's event: Jesus and Mohammed.
The judge described the software application required for the final test, and gave the signal to start writing code.
The two contestants feverishly typed away on their keyboards. Routines, classes, applets and applications flew on their screens at incredible speeds. Windows, dialogs, and other intricate graphics began forming on their monitors. The clock showed that the contest would soon be finished.
Suddenly, a bolt of lightening flashed and the power went out.
After a moment it came back on - just in time for the clock to indicate that the last competition was over.
The judge asked the two contestants to reveal their finished software. Mohammed angrily said more...
Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
Always try to fix the hardware with software.
If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
Dilbert is not a comic strip, it's a documentary.