Soil Jokes / Recent Jokes

One summer, on a Friday afternoon, a young man was being trained by his supervisor on his first day as a salesperson at a large department store. His supervisor was trying to show him the amount of things he could sell to customers by making them feel they needed the items. "Watch this," he said and approached a man who has just entered the store. "May I help you, sir?"
The man replied, "I just moved into my first house and I need some fertiliser for my lawn."
So the supervisor said, "Well, we have five- and ten-pound bags of fertiliser. I recommend you go with the ten pound bag."
"Why is that?"
"The ten-pound bag will get you through most of the summer, but the five-pound bag won't," the supervisor answered.
"Fine," the man agreed, "I'll take the ten-pounder." "Very good sir. And would you like the stiff rake or the spring-rake with that?"
"Rake? What do I need that more...

Once a general manager wanted to test his people who had come from all over India, about their values of life.

He announced that in their seminar folder, there is PVC pouch and in it there is a seed. When they return, they must put it in a good soil in a pot and look after it very well.
He would hold a competition in the next year's seminar and that the best plants would be awarded suitably.
Everyone did what was told to him. A year passed quickly. And next year in a big hall, there were hundreds of pots and a great variety of plants-a great scene.
Except one pot in which the soil was there and no plant! The owner was standing quietly and seemingly ashamed of himself!

The general manager called him on the stage. He asked him what happened and he told him the truth. He planted the seed which he was given - and did that was to be done- but nothing happened!

The general manager declared him the winner!
Everyone was shocked. It was more...

1. Why was the soil so good in school?
It knows its ABCs.
2. Where was the plant leaf imprisoned?
In the pennate-enturary.
3. Who won in the plant politics race?
The Accumbent.
4. Who told the story of the plant soil's life?
The N-Aerator.
5. How does a Japanese botanist bid farewell?
Cyan-ara.
6. How to botanists tell computers what to do?
With apogamy language (a programing language).
7. The close fitting leaf was being appressed.
8. Where do monkey flowers live?
On the Ape-planate.
9. Which tree did the Japanese bomb on December 7 1942?
The Pearl Arbor.
10. Why was there no food around the tree?
Becasue the Arbor-eat-em.

1. How do leaf clusters start a duel?
They stand Bract to Bract.
2. What is the favorite beverage of a botanist?
Bud-wiser.
3. Which hooded flower married Marc Anthoney?
Calyptera patra.
4. After typing too much what did the botanist develop?
Carpel- tunnel syndrome.
5. What do you call an arch that is as wide as it is tall made out of soil?
A Cantena-ry.
6. How do botanists and soil scientists listen to satelights?
With Catenas.
7. How did the botanist, after dealing with fertilizer, clean her hands?
She had a manure-cure.
8. The happy botanist was looking very chipper.
9. Ah go fly a chitin.
10. Wacky definitions: bostryx
A city North of New yorkx.

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. He put four worms into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of semen.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of good, clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the minister reported the following results.
The first worm in alcohol - dead.
Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
Third worm in semen - dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
The minister asked the congregation - "What can we learn from this demonstration?

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said;
As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you wont have worms.