Solution Jokes / Recent Jokes

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part
of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with
as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; Beer unusually pale
and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its
owner about its lack of house training.
Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Bar more...

A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 +. ...
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.
The pure mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = (-2) *1/(1-3/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-3/2) = 1 + 3/2 +9/4 + 27/8 +. ..,
which diverges. Hence, the solution to 2 * 2 does not exist.

> Everything was rather quiet in the hundred acre wood. The trees whispered
> to each other as the wind rustled their leaves. Under a large oak tree,
> there lived Pooh bear. From inside Pooh's house, there came a steady
> bang... bang... bang!, that was making his honey jars rattle on the
> sideboard. The light came through the window, and in the evening sun Pooh
> raised the axe once more and brought it down on the tattered remains of
> Christopher Robin. "Why... won't... he... fit..." puffed Pooh to himself as
> the axe came down once more. There was a small pile of earth, and a hole
> next to it, which Pooh had hidden with his favourite rug. Christopher
> Robin, selfish prat that he was, didn't quite fit in the hole Pooh had
> dug, so instead of making it wider he had decided to hack Christopher
> Robin's legs off. "A far more sensible idea", thought Pooh, and hummed a
> little song to himself as he more...

It was 3. 30 pm on the very last day of the ongoing test
match when there was an urgent call for INFOSYS and it was from no
other than the SRI LANKA CRICKET BOARD.
I picked up the receiver: "Hello? This is INFOSYS ".
Frantically came a voice "This is the Secretary of Board of Cricket
Control of Sri Lanka. We have got a serious problem."
" What's it? " asked I. There came the reply:
" Our scoreboard, though electronic, is a bit old one. It can show
only three digits. And the pace with which
De Silva is scoring runs, 1000 will be scored any time.
After that, Lanka will be scoring from zero again, as it will look!!"
I immediately met my bosses and an urgent meetting was
called. After it was over, it was clear that INFOSYS cannot give the
solution within one hour as per their request.
"So", I told him, " Please tell De Silva to get out and Lanka to
finish their more...

A new virus has been detected that you may want to take precautions against. Be careful, if you try to solve this virus problem, you will be castigated in the media and by the UN. This is the Palestinian Virus - a virus that settles in your PC, claims it was there before your PC was built or Bill Gates was born, then demands parts of your hard drive.If you want the virus to leave you and your PC alone, you can try to give the virus the hard drive space it wants, but it will refuse the deal and start killing data on your computer. Some people have suggested a solution for this virus problem is to give the virus its own PC. As stated above, this virus has been known to refuse the offer. Other nearby PCs wont take the virus either, even if the virus is compatible with the other computers. The virus seams to want nothing less than to take over your entire computer and with the removal and destruction of all your data. Software based anti-virus solutions have been proposed, but so far only more...

The dockyard men's room was always filthy because the workers never peed accurately to the drain. Every day the man who was in charge of sanitation at the dockyard would have to call in the cleaners to wipe off the mess inside the men's room.
After few months of bringing the toilet cleaners in, the budget was exceeding, bills piling up and the sanitation guy had to think of an alternative way to solve this daily problem in the men's room. So what he did was he called in a famous economist and explained to him the problem in the men's room.
The economist went away with this and after a couple of weeks came up with a possible solution to end this problem. He told the sanitation guy to paste little flies randomly into the drain and guaranteed this would work. The sanitation guy was surprised at his solution and he started to argue with the economist.
The next day, the sanitation guy came into the men's room only to find a clean healthy environment inside and that no one more...