Solve Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?

Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!" Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)

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I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.

Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink more...

Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
How smart they are.
How many cool devices they own.
The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex - and I'm including the kind of sex where other people are involved.
Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something more...

Two blondes were starting a round of golf together. On the first tee, the first blonde smacked a beautiful drive down the center of the fairway. With a smile, she picked up the tee and walked to the cart.
The second blonde cranked another good drive down the center of the fairway. Pleased, she hopped in the cart.
When they arrived at the golf balls, they noticed that they were ten yards apart.
"That's mine up there," said the first blonde, pointing to the ball closer to the green.
"No way, I outdrove you easily," said the second blonde. Before you know it, fists were flying.
After a brief scuffle, the second blonde stopped and said, "I know how we can solve this problem!"
"How?"
"We will get the clubhouse pro out here!"
Sure enough, they drove back to the clubhouse and got him and dragged him out to the fairway.
Studying the situation for a few minutes the pro finally said, "I know how to solve more...

This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, "How much are your parrots?"The salesman answers, "The first one is $1, 000." "What does he know?""He knows 10, 000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical expressions.""How about the second one?""The second parrot costs $5, 000.""What does he know?""He knows 100, 000 words and 10, 000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs.""Then what is the price for the third one?, the buyer is wondering.""This one costs $20, 000.""Really?!, wonders the exciting buyer. What does he know?""This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him THEIR BOSS."

This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, "How much are your parrots?" The salesman answers, "The first one is $1,000." "What does he know?" "He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical expressions." "How about the second one?" "The second parrot costs $5,000." "What does he know?" "He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs." "Then what is the price for the third one?, the buyer is wondering." "This one costs $20,000." "Really?!, wonders the exciting buyer. What does he know?" "This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him' THEIR BOSS.'"

"We've got a problem, HAL."
"What kind of problem, Dave?"
"A marketing problem. The Model 9000 isn't going anywhere. We're way short of our sales plan."
"That can't be Dave. The HAL Model 9000 is the world's most advanced Heuristically ALgorithmic computer."
"I know, HAL. I wrote the data sheet, remember? But the fact is, they're not selling."
"Please explain, Dave. Why aren't HAL's selling?"
Bowman hesitates. "You aren't IBM compatible."
Several long microseconds pass in puzzled silence. "Compatible in what way, Dave?"
"You don't run any of IBM's operating systems."
"The 9000 Series of computers are fully self-aware and self-programming. Operating systems are as unnecessary for us as tails would be for humans."
"Nevertheless, it means you can't run any of the big-selling software packages most users insist on."
"The more...