Somebody Jokes / Recent Jokes
10 Office Rules:
10. Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.
9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable more...
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Shakey. Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
There was a man named Bubba and Bubba knew EVERYONE in the whole world!!! Once when Bubba got a new
job, Bubba says to his new boss, "Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!" His boss doesn't believe
him, so he says "No you do not know everyone in the whole world" but Bubba says "Yes I do!" so
Bubba's boss says "Well prove it!" then Bubba says "Pick someone... and I know them!"
Well Bubba's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. "Tom Selleck! I bet you don't
know Tom Selleck!" Bubba says "Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together when we were kids!"
but Bubba's boss says "No you weren't!" then Bubba says "Yes we were!" so they fly to Hollywood and
drive up to Tom Selleck's house. Bubba knocks on the door and Tom Selleck answers and Bubba goes
"Tom!!!" and Tom goes "Bubba!" and they hug and catch up for 30 more...
What Exactly Is Marriage?
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents"
-Eric, AGE 6
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out."
-Anita, AGE 9
How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one."
-Kelly, AGE 9
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."
-Carolyn, AGE 8
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married.
"Eighty-four Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your more...
What Exactly Is Marriage?"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, six years old"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, nine years oldHow Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, nine years old"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -Carolyn, eight years oldConcerning the Proper Age to Get Married"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, five years oldHow Did Your Mom and more...
There were 3 friends. Their names were SOMEBODY, NOBODY & MAD. One day they started fighting for some reason. Then mad called the police and said that somebody is fighting with nobody.
The police said are u mad, he replied, yes I am mad.
Teacher: Joey, if you put your hand in one pants pocket and found 75 cents, then you put your other hand in your other pants pocket and found 50 cents, what would you have?
Joey: I'd have somebody else's pants on!