Someone Jokes / Recent Jokes
An economist is someone who gets rich explaining others why they are poor.
The last severe depression and banking crisis could not have been achieved by normal civil servants and politicians, it required economists involvement.
Contagion: A strory demostrating the possible outcomes from interlinkages in the financial markets.
Two economists sit down to play chess. They study the board for 24 hours and declare a stale-mate.
Q: What does it take to be a good economist?
A: An unshakeable grasp of the obvious!
Q: What`s the difference between mathematics and economics?
A: Mathematics is incomprehensible; economics just doesn`t make any sense.
An economist is someone who didn`t have enough personality to become an accountant.
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
Q: What`s the difference between a finance major and an economics major?
A: more...
This was sent to me by someone who did not credit an author.
Go placidly among the line noise and baudrates, and remember what boredom there was before BBSing. As far as possible, do not covet your neighbor's HST. Answer your Email clearly and without typos, even to the nerds that pester you, for they have something to say even if you can't figure out what it is.
Avoid female impersonators in chat, for they are dangerous to your ego. If you compare yourself with others, you may consider suicide; for there is always someone more proficient in Zmodem than yourself.
Label your disks.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; even after staying up all night downloading. Exercise caution in your business affairs; because you need the money to pay your CompuServe bill. But let this not blind you to what enjoyment there is on your local BBS; many persons strive for the most recent shareware; and uploads get you more time on line.
Be yourself. Especially, do not more...
* ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
* BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women go to curl up and dye.
* CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
* CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
* COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
* DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
* EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
* GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
* HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
* INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
* MYTH: A female moth.
* MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
* RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
* SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time
* TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
* TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
* YAWN: An honest opinion more...
When someone points skyward, it's the fool that looks at the finger.
a. Head for the largest open expanse of urinal available. If you stand too close to someone, they will think that you are gay. If you stand too far away from someone, they will think that you think that they are gay. b. Three shakes only. Two is unhygienic, four is a wanker. c. If you fart, say "Whooaa, what a ripper!"d. Don't look. Real men never compare sizes. e. Never use the drying machines or the towels. Walking out with wet hands into the bar looks like the condensation off at least six pitchers.
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch."I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly Im looking for someone to do my worrying for me.""How do you mean?" says the accountant."I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters.""OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?""You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner."Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?""That," says the man, "is your first worry."
Taken from this mornings "Metro" (7th June, London, UK):
A friendly greeting caused a major airport security alert when a man called "Hi, Jack" to a colleague on board an aircraft.
A SWAT team and dozens of police reinforcements were called to the Oakland International Airport near Detroit in the US.
Lt. Rick Crigger said, "There was a guy on the plane named Jack, and someone walked in and said, 'Hi Jack'. The mike just happened to be open and the tower heard it."
Thinking someone was hijacking the corporate jet, the FBI as well as police were called to prepare for a hostage situation. Air traffic controllers ordered the plane to return to the tower but, after a quick check on the identity of the pilot, the jet was cleared for take off.