Sometimes Jokes / Recent Jokes
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
"Doc, I don't understand what's going on with me. It's really strange, sometimes I feel like a teepee."
The doctor thinks about it for a while and then urges the man to continue.
So, the man continues, "And sometimes I feel like a wigwam."
To which the doctor says, "I wouldn't worry about it, Fred, you're just two tents." (tense :)
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up - put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Sunday = Sports.
7. Anything you wear is fine - really.
8. Women wearing wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point-blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
14. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
18. If you more...
Why is Congress like a cold? Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the nos (nose).
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
3. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Get rid of your cat.
5. Sunday = TV Sports.
6. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
7. You have too many shoes.
8. Crying is blackmail.
9. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
10. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
11. Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
12. Simple "yes" and "no" are perfectly acceptable answers.
13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
14. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
16. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you more...
Heavenly Father up above;
Bless this guy I truly love.
Bless his hair that sometimes curls;
Keep him away from other girls.
Bless his hands that sometimes roam;
Let them roam on me alone.
Bless his legs that run so fast;
Bless his little sexy ass.
Bless the places where we laid;
Bless the gap which he has made.
Bless the places where we fucked;
Bless my breast on which he sucked.
Bless the places that were dark;
Bless my neck on which he marked.
Bless the thickness of his sperm;
Protect it from numeral germs.
Bless his body I love to quench;
Bless his tongue I love to french.
Bless my voice for when I squeal;
Bless his penis I love to feel.
Bless his ass I love to squeeze;
Bless his balls I love to please.
And if he reads this prayer of mine;
I hope it blows his f*cking mind.